Thank you, Jesus, for blindness that every once in a great while allows one of us to hit the target.

Nature offers splendor and artistry for us to appreciate. Opening our senses reveals we are surrounded by magnificence.

You know what's wrong with humanity?... The greatest gift we were given is our free will, and we keep misusing it.

It is not love of self but hatred of self which is at the root of the troubles that afflict our world.

I don't consider myself, you know, in real life one of those funny guys. My comedy comes through my work.

I have to drink a lot of fluids, try not to dehydrate, and keep stretching.

What other people think of me is none of my business. Sometimes, it hurts my feelings, but I have to just keep going.

I am starting to look like and perform like the Lou that I used to be.

I'm ready to forgive him for the desire to be a king, but not for wanting to have 23 million court jesters.

The time is not come for impartial history. If the truth were told just now, it would not be credited.

I would be hard-pressed to look back at anything that I have done in my career and not say, "I would have done that a little different" because hindsight is 20/20.