Snooker is just chess with balls.

Whoever called snooker "chess with balls" was rude, but right.

Common sense and a sense of humor are the same thing, moving at different speeds. A sense of humor is just common sense, dancing.

The British secret service was staffed at one point almost entirely by alcoholic homosexuals working for the KGB

A sceptic finds Dallas absurd. A cynic thinks the public doesn't

It is only when they go wrong that machines remind you how powerful they are.

A life without fame can be a good life, but fame without a life is no life at all.

Fiction is life with the dull bits left out.

Disco dancing is just the steady thump of a giant moron knocking in an endless nail.

They had a... dog called Bluey. A know psychopath, Bluey would attack himself if nothing else was available.

She was good at playing abstract confusion in the same way that a midget is good at being short.

Cinema is the ultimate pervert art. It doesn't give you what you desire - it tells you how to desire.

If you truly believe in something, that is, if you care enough about it to not just dream about it, but to do something about it, your belief will bring it to you.

You can't say your favorite kind of cake is birthday cake, that's like saying your favorite kind of cereal is breakfast cereal.

Should #‎ graffiti be judged on the same level as modern art? Of course not: It's way more important than that

Scottish football is full of hammer throwers.

The injustice done to an individual is sometimes of service to the public.

When a monster stopped behaving like a monster, did it stop being a monster? Did it become something else?

A room is like a stage. If you see it without lighting, it can be the coldest place in the world.

You never know yourself until the chips are down. True strength is not measured when your at your strongest, but when you’re at your weakest.

But then one day the Lord put us together through our agent and it's been a wonderful match.