President Obama has pledged $3 billion to aid poor nations. All of that $3 billion is going to the United States.

Work hard, be kind, and amazing things will happen.

Starbucks says they are going to start putting religious quotes on cups. The very first one will say, 'Jesus! This cup is expensive!'

A study in the Washington Post says that women have better verbal skills than men. I just want to say to the authors of that study: 'Duh.'

If life gives you lemons, make some kind of fruity juice.

A new report says that dogs can sniff out prostate cancer with almost 98 percent accuracy. The report also finds that cats can sniff it out with 100 percent accuracy but they prefer to watch you die.

I have an abacus at home.

A new presidential poll reveals that Democrats have the edge among voters under 30. The good news for Republicans is that there's only six people under 30 who actually vote.

Ukraine announced plans to open Chernobyl, their nuclear disaster site, to tourists. They say it's just like Disneyland, except the 6-foot mouse is real.

Santa will be showing up with Rudolph the Red-Eyed Reindeer.

After making insulting remarks about Mexicans, Donald Trump has been kicked off of NBC and Univision. On the bright side, Trump's hair has a new show on Animal Planet.

Don't worry. Chivalry has practically no appeal for me whatsoever. -- Neville Fletcher

Kindness effects more than severity.

My children without a doubt are my greatest accomplishment. If I did nothing else I would feel just having and raising them would be enough. The rest is icing.

The best doctrine may become the worst, if imperfectly understood, erroneously interpreted, or superstitiously followed.

I love it when somebody makes me laugh - it's what attracts me to people.

No one is happy unless he respects himself.

Writing requires a great deal of skill, just like painting does. People don't want to learn those skills.

Music plays a huge role in the movie. The music in Star Wars, I can't imagine what the movie would have been like without it. It made the film.

Most people try to get rich by being cheap and the price for that is that you live cheap and there is so much money out there; why would you want to live cheap?

Ive always had an affinity for lawyers. My dad is a lawyer. Hes retired now. My brother is a lawyer.