Plus her mom was so awesome. She was strict about some things—don’t leave your socks lying around—but so not strict about other things, like calling the cops about my bullet wound.

Good memories are like charms...Each is special. You collect them, one by one, until one day you look back and discover they make a long, colorful bracelet.

Your mind creates your reality. If you expect nothing, you open up the universe to give you options. If you expect the worst, you usually get it.

A friend of mine once defined love as finding someone you can talk to late into the night

Some poeple just don't have what it takes to appreciate a cookie.

Oh great. Yoda captured us.

Who, last time I'd checked, was still on our official archenemy list. (Yes, we have to keep a list. It's kind of sad.)

They call me, The Sharkalator

At that moment I had no mind to change, or not change, or throw against the nearest wall.

I don't get a chance to be funny with the thrillers. I like to be funny, and I think I am really funny. So with 'Middle School: The Worst Years of My Life', it was fun to let loose.

I had to give him props, but how annoying of him to be a hero when I was trying so hard to dislike him. It was downright selfish.

It takes a little slip to slip. Inappropriate words are inappropriate!

Decide now to enter heaven one day from a life of fullness and walking in depth of revelation of his love, instead of crawling over the line beaten and bruised and discouraged.

It requires as much to tell the truth as to conceal it.

Often when we realize how precious those seconds are, it's too late for them to be captured because the moment has passed. We realize too late.

For the love of god, find something actually socially useful to do with your money. Because if you don't, socialism's going to start looking a lot better to a whole lot of people.

A lot of the time I'm semi-insane, but there is a slight bit of intelligence there.

Plato's Symposium shows that flirtation and philosophy can further one another.

If you don't feel good about something, you don't shake it off easily.

All animals, except man, know that the principal business of life is to enjoy it.

It's nice to go into your doom. It's so liberating.