One thing I have in abundance here are bags. They're not much different than kitchen trash bags, though I'm sure they cost $50, 000 because of NASA.

Problem is (follow me closely here, the science is pretty complicated), if I cut a hole in the Hab, the air won't stay inside anymore.

As with most of life's problems, this one can be solved by a box of pure radiation.

If ruining the only religious icon I have leaves me vulnerable to Martian vampires, I'll have to risk it.

Actually, I was the very lowest ranked member of the crew. I would only be “in command” if I were the only remaining person.”What do you know? I’m in command

How did I end up in this situation? I'm the district sales manager of a napkin factor. Why is my daughter in space?

Turns out even NASA can't improve on duct tape.

I'm so close to Schiaparelli I can taste it. I guess it would taste like sand, mostly, but that's not the point.

It is of course dangerous to set off an explosive device on a spacecraft.

Mars and my own stupidity keep trying to kill me.

I stumbled up the hill back toward the Hab. As I crested the rise, I saw something that made me very happy and something that made me very sad: The Hab was intact (yay!) and the MAV was gone (boo!).

All she wanted was a breathing space in which to hurt.

Marx himself wrote that capitalism produces above all its own gravediggers. Do you think that perhaps he wasn't talking about capitalism?

My heart was on the verge, if not of explosion than of collapse, hurtling to an inward oblivion, sucking down with it the very ground I stood on.

Experience is the only prophecy of wise men.

How quickly a person in pain whom you can't help becomes a reproach. And then, no doubt, a thorn.

Even during my father's 1984 gubernatorial campaign, it was, 'Do you want to grow up and be governor one day?' 'No. I am four.'

It's nice to have a little bit of art to fall back on.

When you do something bad and you know you can do it, only you know you can do it. And do it while it's hot, man.

I can fight with all actors, I can face them and win, but I cannot fight aliens.

Well, actually, the Second City thing came about because I was taking a few improv classes there. I thought that the improv classes would help with my wrestling career, which it has.