Oh, for Christ's sake,' I hear. 'Can we please just try to have a good time?' This is like ordering someone to find you attractive, and it doesn't work. I've tried it.

The Greeks had invented democracy, built the Acropolis and called it a day.

Real love amounts to withholding the truth, even when you're offered the perfect opportunity to hurt someone's feelings.

A zoo is a good place to make a spectacle of yourself, as the people around you have creepier, more photogenic things to look at.

There seemed to be some correlation between devotion to God and a misguided zeal for marshmallows.

All of us take pride and pleasure in the fact that we are unique, but I'm afraid that when all is said and done the police are right: it all comes down to fingerprints.

Remember that the most important thing is to try and love other people as much as they love you.

Everyone looks retarded once you set your mind to it.

I started writing when I was twenty, and my first book came out seventeen years later.

Like all of my friends, she's a lousy judge of character.

A good [short story] would take me out of myself and then stuff me back in, outsized, now, and uneasy with the fit.

Take control from the moment you step in her place. She'll be pleasantly surprised and impressed.

Nothing is so contagious as enthusiasm it moves stones it charms brutes. Enthusiasm is the genius of sincerity and truth accomplishes no victories without it.

Whoever does not regard what he has as most ample wealth is unhappy though he is master of the world.

There's no ex out there who I'm not friends with today, and I'm extremely thankful for that.

All sympathy not consistent with acknowledged virtue is but disguised selfishness.

The problem is a lot of people don't think. The general bloke just goes through life, gets a job, gets married and all that, and that's it.

I'm glowing in the dark with my studio tan. I've been in a cave of music for months and months and months.

Youth is, after all, just a moment, but it is the moment, the spark that you always carry in your heart.

I say 'no' to drugs. Whenever someone asks me for some of my drugs I say, 'no.

No one is in charge of this process, this is what makes history so interesting, it's a runaway freight train on a dark and stormy night.