Nowadays you envy a manic-depressive. Half the time he's happy, the other half he's right.

Enjoy the little things, for one day you may look back and realize they were the big things.

Cherish the friend who tells you a harsh truth, wanting ten times more to tell you a loving lie.

You can spend too much time wondering which of identical twins is the more alike.

What greater blessing to give thanks for at a family gathering than the family and the gathering.

Ever wonder what crime you committed that you are confined to a small enclosure above your sinuses, under permanent skull arrest?

If minutes were kept of a family gathering, they would show that "Members not Present" and "Subjects Discussed" were one and the same.

It finally happened. I got the GPS lady so confused, she said, "In one-quarter mile, make a legal stop and ask directions.

For the most part, we carnivores do not eat other carnivores. We prefer to eat our vegetarian friends.

On a windswept hill by a billowing sea, my destiny sits and waits for me.

It is not that love is blind. It is that love sees with a painter's eye, finding the essence that renders all else background.

Genius does not have time to stand admiring its reflection

I almost forgot to tell you - you have the right to remain silent, but if you do, my boys at the station will process your bones to help you confess.

The best lie is the one that has an element of truth, so it’s good to include something real in your fiction.

You need to be in the position where it is the cost of the fuel that actually matters and not the cost of building the rocket in the first place.

I don't believe in anything and that makes me stronger than you think

Do your job and demand your compensation - but in that order.

It's interesting to fantasize having a man sink his teeth into your neck for sustenance, knowing that it isn't going to be terribly painful but rather very exciting

The surprise with which a detective novel concludes should set up tragic vibrations which run backward through the entire structure.

I wish I wrote more about the world at more distance from myself.

Anyone can love you when things are alright. It takes courage to love when things are not good and it does not feel right.