Men have a much better time of it than women. For one thing they marry later. For another thing they die earlier.

Love is like war: easy to begin but very hard to stop.

On some great and glorious day the plain folks of the land will reach their heart's desire at last, and the White House will be adorned by a downright moron.

The demagogue is one who preaches doctrines he knows to be untrue to men he knows to be idiots.

The whole aim of practical politics is to keep the populace alarmed (and hence clamorous to be led to safety) by menacing it with an endless series of hobgoblins, all of them imaginary.

Morality is doing what is right, no matter what you are told. Religion is doing what you are told, no matter what is right.

Every normal man must be tempted, at times, to spit on his hands, hoist the black flag, and begin slitting throats.

Democracy is a pathetic belief in the collective wisdom of individual ignorance.

The urge to save humanity is almost always a false front for the urge to rule.

It is inaccurate to say that I hate everything. I am strongly in favor of common sense, common honesty, and common decency. This makes me forever ineligible for public office.

Democracy is also a form of worship. It is the worship of Jackals by Jackasses.

I had to take the first step for myself.

Emotional abuse is any type of abuse that is not physical in nature. It can include everything from verbal abuse to the silent treatment, domination to subtle manipulation.

When . . . in the course of all these thousands of years has man ever acted in accordance with his own interests?

Southwest Airlines is successful because the company understands it's a customer service company. It also happens to be an airline.

I don't doubt the sincerity of my Democratic friends. And they should not doubt ours.

Good theater is not what is expected, but what surprises.

Chivalry is like a line of credit. You can get plenty of it when you do not need it.

Geniuses must never die, the progress of mankind depends on us

Efficient management without effective leadership is, as one individual phrased, it, "like straightening deck chairs on the Titanic".

Those neon light nights, couldn't stay out of fights, keeps a-haunting me in memories. There is one in every crowd, for crying out loud, why was is always turning out to be me?