Learn a little of anything, and you're ready to proselytize.

A successful marriage requires falling in love many times, always with the same person.

It's the most unhappy people who most fear change.

A hypochondriac is one who has a pill for everything except what ails him.

It's innocence when it charms us, ignorance when it doesn't.

The head never rules the heart, but just becomes its partner in crime.

We lavish on animals the love we are afraid to show to people. They might not return it; or worse, they might.

In the arithmetic of love, one plus one equals everything, and two minus one equals nothing.

We choose those we like; with those we love, we have no say in the matter.

They threaten me with lung cancer, and still I smoke and smoke. If they'd only threaten me with hard work, I might stop.

Pity all newlyweds. She cooks something nice for him, and he brings her flowers, and they kiss and think: How easy marriage is.

What if I told you 10 years from now your life would be exactly the same?Doubt you'd be happy.So, why are you afraid of change?

I hate walking around known as a team that loses all the time.

Chronocanine Envy: Sadness experienced when one realized that, unlike one's dog, one cannot live only in the present tense. As Kierkegaard said, "Life must be lived forward.

I'm thinking, 'OK, we're about to fight.' I'm like, 'We're about to get it on right here at the VMAs?

Aside from producing I want to direct but I'm also going to get back out on the road.

I didn't audition for 'SNL.' I sent in a tape to 'SNL' the year before I started writing there, but I got the job there through doing stand-up on Fallon.

I've been an assistant for seven years now and I haven't had one head coaching interview. I'm doing something wrong.

The desire to know a thing is heightened by its gratification being deferred.

The Thirteen States are Thirteen Sovereign bodies.

The military tends to be a traditional place. Traditional culture, traditional men are often attracted to serving in the military.