It's a mistake to read. Television is the only way.

Work hard, be kind, and amazing things will happen.

Starbucks says they are going to start putting religious quotes on cups. The very first one will say, 'Jesus! This cup is expensive!'

A study in the Washington Post says that women have better verbal skills than men. I just want to say to the authors of that study: 'Duh.'

If life gives you lemons, make some kind of fruity juice.

A new report says that dogs can sniff out prostate cancer with almost 98 percent accuracy. The report also finds that cats can sniff it out with 100 percent accuracy but they prefer to watch you die.

I have an abacus at home.

A new presidential poll reveals that Democrats have the edge among voters under 30. The good news for Republicans is that there's only six people under 30 who actually vote.

Ukraine announced plans to open Chernobyl, their nuclear disaster site, to tourists. They say it's just like Disneyland, except the 6-foot mouse is real.

Santa will be showing up with Rudolph the Red-Eyed Reindeer.

After making insulting remarks about Mexicans, Donald Trump has been kicked off of NBC and Univision. On the bright side, Trump's hair has a new show on Animal Planet.

To the modern politician and planner, men are the flies of a summer, oblivious of their past, reckless of their future.

Such a shovel, it seemed a waste not to use it.

Your glass seems like it will always be half full even it falls down and shatters to pieces

Fiction is such a world of freedom, it's wonderful. If you want someone to fly, they can fly.

It was the Congress that imposed 'Don't Ask, Don't Tell,' it was certainly my position, my recommendation to get us out of an even worse outcome that could have occurred.

People throw away what they could have by insisting on perfection, which they cannot have, and looking for it where they will never find it

Every man has a wild beast within him.

I came into the Republican party in 1980, when I was a college student at Georgetown.

Someone asked me what three things I would save if my house was on fire. I said my cat, my salamander and one of the twins.

If all my friends were to jump off a bridge, I would not follow, I would be at the bottom to catch them when they fall.