In America, any boy can grow up to become president. Or, if he never grows up, vice president.

All the problems we face in the United States today can be traced to an unenlightened immigration policy on the part of the American Indian.

Why should we tell kidnappers, murderers, and embezzlers their rights? If they don't know their rights, they shouldn't be in the business.

No Taxes. Let's just tip the government 15% if they do a good job.

I must choose my words carefully in order to avoid any negative interpretation. Among politicians, this is a tactic known as lying.

Assuming either the Left Wing or the Right Wing gained control of the country, it would probably fly around in circles.

I read an article that said one in five Americans thinks Elvis is alive. I want to find those morons and get them registered to vote for me.

I am neither left wing nor right wing. I am middle-of-the-bird.

Having a comic in the White House will assure stability in foreign relations. The world will continue to respond to foreign initiatives by saying, 'You must be joking.'

We have nothing to fear but fear itself...and of course the boogieman.

Deep down, I happen to be very shallow.

The breath of life is in the sunlight and the hand of life is in the wind.

Don’t buy into the campaign that people don’t like change. We are built for it.

The best way to guarantee a loss is to quit.

Why would I worry about getting older - what's to moan about?

I'm not chasing money, so I'm not looking at just trying to stretch out a deal artificially just to have a certain number.

It is sometimes tougher to fight my superiors than the French.

Developing our capacity for compassion makes it possible for us to help others in a more skillful and effective way.

How has podcasting changed things? A lot of people ask me if I feel I should be more famous.

What works for one persons needs is almost always very different from the next.

Sometimes @BrookeShields rolls into your party dressed as a Christmas tree, carrying a bucket of KFC. pic.twitter.com/DTtZkZY4cB