If you want what's in the package you should at least know how to get the string off, is what I say.

But nothing is more opaque than absolute transparency.

I hope that people will finally come to realize that there is only one 'race' - the human race - and that we are all members of it.

Men are afraid that women will laugh at them. Women are afraid that men will kill them.

Canada was built on dead beavers.

A divorce is like an amputation: you survive it, but there's less of you.

We still think of a powerful man as a born leader and a powerful woman as an anomaly.

You can only be jealous of someone who has something you think you ought to have yourself.

Nature is to zoos as God is to churches.

If the national mental illness of the United States is megalomania, that of Canada is paranoid schizophrenia.

Another belief of mine; that everyone else my age is an adult, whereas I am merely in disguise.

Do all the good you can By all the means you can In all the ways you can In all the places you can At all the times you can.

I keep six honest serving-men they taught me all I know their names are What and Why and When and How and Where and Who

Rick Perry is qualified to be President in the same way that Olive Garden is qualified to be Italy.

I love the MLB app, because I'm a pretty obsessed baseball fan.

There can be no Christianity where there is no charity

The emotions may be endless. The more we express them, the more we may have to express.

Don't think to come over me with th' old tale, that the rich know nothing of the trials of the poor; I say, if they don't know, they ought to know.

Indeed, there is no such thing as an altogether ugly woman — or altogether beautiful.

If you believe, sometimes unbelievable things are possible.

The more security we have, the less freedom there is; more freedom means less security. You can hardly enough of both at the same time.