If you had to chose one half of your son, which one would it be?" What kind of a question is that?!" No need to snap. It was just a question.

I think everybody's weird. We should all celebrate our individuality and not be embarrassed or ashamed of it.

if you love two people at the same time, choose the second. Because if you really loved the first one, you wouldn't have fallen for the second.

The only creatures that are evolved enough to convey pure love are dogs and infants.

Not all treasure is silver and gold, mate

We don't always cry because we are weak, sometimes we cry because we have been strong, brave and courageous for way too long.

I'm having too much fun today to worry about tomorrow.

People cry, not because they're weak. It's because they've been strong for too long.

When kids hit one year old, it's like hanging out with a miniature drunk. You have to hold onto them. They bump into things. They laugh and cry. They urinate. They vomit.

If someone were to harm my family or a friend or somebody I love, I would eat them. I might end up in jail for 500 years, but I would eat them.

I was ecstatic they re-named 'French Fries' as 'Freedom Fries'. Grown men and women in positions of power in the U.S. government showing themselves as idiots.

It may be in the cultural particularities of people — in their oddities — that some of the most instructive revelations of what it is to be generically human are to be found.

Michelle Obama gives a speech, and everyone loves it. It's fantastic. They think she's absolutely great. My wife, Melania, gives the exact same speech... And people get on her case.

I'm very picky when it comes to men. I come across a man who I'm really attracted to about once every five years.

You have to write a million words before you find your voice as a writer.

As we enter into the 110th Congress, it is imperative that we address ethics reforms needed to make this institution run correctly.

I'd just as soon stay home and raise babies

Is it not the excess and greed of this and the neglect of all other things that revolutionizes this constitution too and prepares the way for the necessity of a dictatorship?

It's a safe bet that someone who tells you you need to calm down has never actually seen you when you needed to calm down.

You can't hear me? Read my lips!

She needs to have a few drinks and cry a little-then she'll be perfect.