I went freelance in 1996 and my children are now teenagers and it seemed right.

Of one thing there is no doubt: if Paris makes demands of the heart, then Munich makes demands of the stomach.

It's very hard to self-motivate without someone standing over you snarling, ready to hurl the chalk at your head at the slightest slackening.

If there's anything worse than being 16, it's having parents visibly reliving their own teenage years in your anguished presence.

Without my Johnson trademark mop of yellow hair, I think I would be nothing.

I talk to bankers, distributors, marketing people. I used to sit at home in my tracksuit bottoms, and the real excitement of my day would be going out to get a copy of Private Eye and a latte.

Of course I'm naughty. I've always had to compete for attention, you see.

In Germany, salads are assemblies of ham and mayonnaise, not trendy tossed leaves.

When I'm called unkind... that really cuts to the quick. You can say anything else that you like about me.

Don't worry about never having time to write. Just write what you can in the time you do have and give yourself a big clap on the back, followed by a double latte and a blueberry muffin.

I do not think that having children - I have three teenagers - keeps you young. The reverse. It thrusts you into a full-frontal confrontation with your own all-too-obvious maturity.

My mother once said that having a small child is like having a permanently drunk houseguest.

If your hogs have warts, call us. Hogwarts Wart Removal. 555-HOGWARTS

For 50 percent of Americans marriage is forever, for the rest of us there is another adventure.

If the value of a company doesn't just scream out at you, it's too close.

There's nothing worse than finding yourself in a situation, a very demanding piece of work, and knowing that you're not a true ally to the person who's in charge of all that.

It is harder to be unhappy when you are eating.

By taking a second wife he pays the highest compliment to the first, by showing that she made him so happy as a married man, that he wishes to be so a second time.

I hope to continue to be serving South Dakota in Congress.

I'm a right-wing pundit and have been for many years.