I've never come into anything successful before. I've always been hired by horrible radio stations with horrendous reputations and nothing to lose.

Late night television is ready for someone like me... standards have gone to an all-time low.

I will never vote Democrat again, they are Communists.

Most of the things I do are misunderstood. Hey, after all, being misunderstood is the fate of all true geniuses, is it not?

I am completely pissed off that I'm circumcised.

Talent is what drives this world ... Doesn’t matter how many satellites you f---ing stick in the air.

I think I could create a cult, no problem. The hard part is getting people to kill themselves.

I'm down with just the Backstreet Boys.

When you hire me, you hire a nut who is going to work 24 hours a day for you and never, ever burn his audience.

I've always been about honesty, whether on the radio, whether I did a movie, whether I wrote a book. As long as you're honest, you don't lose your edge.

You've got to be a little vicious. You've got to be narcissistic. You've got to be on fire about your career.

If you are not afraid of rising, you will see that wings start growing in your body!

I am just turning 40 and taking my time about it.

Hitler had a great gift for adjusting - consciously or intuitively - to his surroundings. ... With enormous histrionic intuition he could shape his behavior to changing situations.

Lust: Which senator once reached for a handkerchief in his pocket and proceeded to wipe his brow with a pair of women's panties?

It is remarkable how much long-term advantage people like us have gotten by trying to be consistently not stupid, instead of trying to be very intelligent.

Americans are given the sole option of electing their jailer for four years and sometimes do him the honour of re-electing him.

I'm not the greatest communicator. I kind of internalize a lot.

How can you know it's the best, if you don't learn about anything else?

I remember that coming to America was scary for me because everything here is just bigger, better, shinier, you know?

Working women went through a time when they believed that.