I've been short all my life. And if anyone wonders what my dying wish will be, they can stop wondering. That will be easy. I'll just tell them, 'I'll have a short bier.'

I keep going because if you stop, you stop. Why retire? Inspire.

You always pass failure on the way to success.

Dont retire - inspire...Theres a lot to be done

Always get married in the morning. That way if it doesn't work out, you haven't wasted the whole day.

Look, I come from vaudeville, I come from burlesque, I come from heartaches, I come from sadness, I come from gladness, I come from work and sweat and respect for the craft.

I hear Jerry Falwell every Sunday here talking about the devil and Hollywood. . . . I'm gonna write him a letter. Hollywood wasn't built on filth and dirt - it was built on talent.

I don't regret anything I've ever done. I only wish I could have done more.

Life is an infiltration course. We all try and get through it. We all try and get through it unscathed - maybe not hurt, not bruised. No bones broken, maybe a few hearts here and there.

And that's the way I have always lived, for the laughs – today. N-O-W. No Other Way.

Someone once asked me what I want on my epitaph when I pass away. Just the words 'I tried.' That's what this game of life is all about. Trying. There's the tryers, the criers, and the liars.

Be just the balm you need to heal what ails you

We are now at risk of having a zombie democracy roaming around a one-party state.

Writing is like driving a car at night. You can only see as far as your headlights, but you can make the whole trip that way.

News, news, news - that is what we want. You cannot beat news in a newspaper.

I absolutely love religions and the rituals. Even though I don't believe in God, we celebrate pretty much every religion in our family with the kids.

The trend that should definitely die is following trends.

Bad things can happen to anyone at any time, whether you follow the rules or not.

We can more easily endure that which shames than that which vexes us.

The clinical definition of "fascism" is when private concentrated economic power takes government away from the people, turns government into a guarantor, a subsidizer, a covering of corporate power.

I never see thy face but I think upon hell-fire.