I've been funny my whole life. This is a gift God gave me.

Affirmative action was designed to keep women and minorities in competition with each other to distract us while white dudes inject AIDS into our chicken nuggets.

My sense of humor is a turkey, and I pull it out of the oven and baste it in reality.

And when I was angry, when I was younger, I was in a cocoon. Now I'm a beautiful, black butterfly.

Bad news travels at the speed of light; good news travels like molasses.

I have snakes, three sharks, moray eels, piranhas, five scorpions and a bird spider. All of them are predators. They are dangerous but it's cool to have strong and powerful pets.

I see knowledge of self. I know who I am. When I look in the mirror, I see me.

Don't follow in my footsteps. Be original, and create your own path. Be a trailblazer! Do you! Be better than me. Do you! Be happy and have joy in your life.

I love my mother. My mother made sure, her stubbornness - she made sure we was going to eat. She made sure we had Christmases. That was my mother. My father wasn't there for that.

My father said: "If you want to catch your girl cheating, you knock on the front door and run to the back, because he's coming out the back."

I love this cornbread so much, I wanna take it behind a middle school and get it pregnant.

First you jump off the cliff and build your wings on the way down.

It's everything and nothing ... It's like the absent moment between night and day.

The big question society will have to answer is whether it wants computers thinking like humans.

To have some idea what it's like, stand in the outside lane of a motorway, get your mate to drive his car at you at 95 mph and wait until he's 12 yards away, before you decide which way to jump.

I just love it when I hear a little commotion, someone leaving. When I see those doors in the back . . .

My website's kind of fun for me. I get to do drawings on that. It's kind of fun.

In high school, I was kind of a loner because I had moved to a new school.

You don't want to be giving away free-kicks in the penalty area.

Sometimes what you want you don't get until you don't want it anymore.

There's a huge difference between achieving to be happy and happily achieving.