I never liked my own species.

Every week when my batch of weekly cartoons would go to FedEx, it felt like a small miracle. Then in a few days, it's 'Here we go again.'

I don't believe in the concept of hell, but if I did I would think of it as filled with people who were cruel to animals.

By the time they had diminished from 50 to 8, the other dwarves began to suspect 'Hungry'.

You always hear a headline like this, 'Man Killed By Shark', you never hear it from the other perspective, 'Man Swims in Shark Infested Waters, Forgets He's Shark Food'.

The Bluebird of Happiness long absent from his life, Ned is visited by the Chicken of Depression.

It is a known fact that the sheep that give us steel wool have no natural enemies.

Great moments in science: Einstein discovers that time is actually money.

You should always leave the party 10 minutes before you actually do.

The picture's pretty bleak, gentlemen... The world's climates are changing, the mammals are taking over, and we all have a brain about the size of a walnut.

The fuel light's on, Frank! We're all going to die! Wait, wait... Oh, my mistake - that's the intercom light.

If life throws you a few bad notes or vibrations, don't let them interrupt or alter your song.

When dark, it's bright, when brightest, it's gone. When gone for good, so will I be.What am I?

Employment is nature's physician and is essential to human happiness.

Cell culture is a little like gardening. You sit and you look at cells, and then you see something and say, 'You know, that doesn't look right'.

That eugenics was part of the progressive agenda is one of the most heavily-airbrushed features of history.

There are few sorrows in which a good income is of no avail.

The process of a date, I think, is terrible. Horrible. Because everything is banal and predicted.

...Ere midnight’s frown and morning’s smile, ere thou and peace may meet.

Every day I turned a 'you can't' into a 'you can.'

Everything that I write comes when it wants to, out of its own need and it dictates its form. I don't say, "I am going to write a novel."