I'm going to try really hard not to be bossy, but I've only done stand-up comedy and then my own show where you're the total boss of everything!

I don't care if you want to hunt, I don't care if you think it's your right. I say, sorry, you are not allowed to own a gun, and if you do own a gun I think you should go to prison.

Christianity is just as threatening as radical Islam in a country like America...

I just want to say something. 655,000 Iraqi civilians are dead. Who are the terrorists?

The Second Amendment is not really a right.

I act irrationally, I defy the odds, I engage when others would run. I look for trouble, I seek chaos, it is a burden.

Don't fear the terrorists. They're mothers and fathers.

I think there should be a law - and I know this is extreme - that no one can have a gun in the U.S. If you have a gun, you go to jail. Only the police should have guns.

I'd love to be a dead body in the emergency room and have George Clooney go, 'This one's gone!' while he puts a sheet on me.

I've been on every diet in the world. I've been on Slim-Fast. For breakfast you have a shake. For lunch, you have a shake. For dinner, you kill anyone with food on their plate.

I'm not going to let my life revolve around losing weight. I have other things to do.

Whether it is the best of times or the worst of times, it is the only time we have.

I've got five months of aggression saved up, and I'll try and use that in a positive manner. I'll be aggressive, but in a controlled way.

But are there many honest people who will admit that it is pleasing to give pain?

But remain the teacher of the young teachers. Advise and direct us, and we will be ready to learn. I will have need of you as long as I live.

Where we find echoes, we generally find emptiness and hollowness; it is the contrary with the echoes of the heart.

By the laws of God, of nature, of nations, and of your country you are and ought to be as free a people as your brethren in England.

Children show me in their playful smiles the divine in everyone. This simple goodness shines straight from their hearts and only asks to be loved.

How does St. Joseph exercise his role as protector? Discreetly, humbly and silently, but with an unfailing presence and utter fidelity, even when he finds it hard to understand.

Milton had a highly imaginative, Cowley a very fanciful mind.

Let me tell you, Cassius, you yourself are much condemned to have an itching palm.