I have to confess here that I am a useless cook.

Laughter is the best medicine - unless you're diabetic, then insulin comes pretty high on the list.

Having signed a few autographs in my time, I always wonder what the heck people do with them.

Ringo isn't the best drummer in the world. He isn't even the best drummer in the Beatles

They put up this bloke's picture on Crimewatch UK with a phone number and said 'Have you seen this man?' Well my auntie rang them up and said 'No'.

I am amazed at radio DJ's today. I am firmly convinced that AM on my radio stands for Absolute Moron. I will not begin to tell you what FM stands for.

There is no way in my right mind I would contemplate running 26 miles-plus unless it involved a chase with Pamela Anderson.

I have a very happy marriage and friends who keep my feet on the ground. But looking for satisfaction in life is difficult. Maybe being happy is as simple as not being unhappy.

I have that working class fear of having nothing. I've always got one eye on what's in the bank.

Happiness to me is simply not being unhappy.

I've always been sensible with my money. I can't say I'm a business genius.

Don't worry about being a normal person, let the normal person worry about not being you.

I was brought up with psychics and tarot cards. My mum was always told I was going to be in a boy band and be famous as a singer.

Ghosts are those memories that are too strong to be forgotten for good, echoing across the years and refusing to be obliterated by time.

The one man team is a complete and total myth.

I'm retarded - I mean I'm retired.

Even one moment in the company of a divine person, Krishna's pure devotee, can help a tremendous amount.

Is it not wonderful, that the love of the parent should be so violent while it lasts and that it should last no longer than is necessary for the preservation of the young?

I was totally romanticizing the idea of Los Angeles when the Doors, Joni Mitchell, and Neil Young were hanging out there.

A man can no more make a safe use of wealth without reason than he can of a horse without a bridle.

Stand-up keeps you alive. It is definitely the most specialized field in comedy because you need to stay sharp and well-tuned every night.