I feel I've always got to keep my stand-up because I never want to lose it.

As a writer, the worst thing you can do is work in an environment of fear of rejection.

I suddenly had this really mad desire to have an affair with a woman. I was divorced. I was childless. I figured there's got to be one more way to really tick off my mom.

Time flies, though, huh? But I feel young. And do you know how I stay feeling young, ladies and gentlemen? I'll share my secret with you: I live in a senior citizen retirement community.

I'm not into working out. My philosophy: No pain, no pain.

I was over there in Hawaii. I was there on the big island. The 'Big Island' - that name cracks me up. First of all, it's not that big, so I'm pretty sure a guy came up with that name.

They're all sources of material. What I love about what I do, the more you talk about your life, there are so many people who have similar experiences.

All my other relationships with men, there was so much maneuvering and strategic decisions and stuff.

Women, stop buying the lingerie. Stop buying it right now. Oh, it's a big rip off. Oh my god, $18 bucks for panties this big? Come on, one trip through the dryer, and it's a frilly bookmark.

Just be your authentic self because there's nothing sexier or more beautiful than that.

I'm not afraid of putting myself out there to someone and then them passing on it. At least you could have gotten a 'yes.' So it's worthwhile to have the cojones to do it.

This life is not perfect, live it to the full, it's all we have

If you reconnect with nature and the wilderness you will not only find the meaning of life, but you will experience what it means to be truly alive.

What a man must do is realize that his continued belief in the inferiority of women is going to produce a type of karma that is going to hold him back, and already has.

From love arises hatred of those things which are contrary to what we love, or which oppose and thwart us in those things that we delight in.

We never did things as we were supposed to do. That was part of our ethic. We did what felt right to us, not what someone told us we should do.

When you're the cash cow that lays the golden goose egg, people are always going to cheer you on, whatever.

There are some things in life that are worth fighting for to the end.

A thought is an idea in transit.

Dignity is the reward of holding oneself accountable to conscience.

The new source of divisiveness is the assault of secularism on religion.