I even made love to myself once. Uhh, I wasn't suppose to tell you that.

You know a one eyed woman, she do the best she can. She search the world over trying to find her a one eyed man.

She had something down there twice as big as mine. That's why I say you better watch where you stroke, cause it could turn out, turn out to be a joke.

Did you ever see a one eyed woman cry? You know the saddest thing about the woman, the tears don't come out just one eye.

It is easy to be conspicuously 'compassionate' if others are being forced to pay the cost.

The utmost extent of man's knowledge, is to know that he knows nothing.

I have some weird habits. For instance, I love beets. Show me a salad bar and I will clean them out of their beets.

Most people don't form a self and then lead a life. They are called by a problem, and the self is constructed gradually by their calling.

When you make a company, you make a utopia. It's where you design your perfect world.

I know people my age (early 40s) who insist upon only writing. You know what we call them? Ex-journalists.

The whole point of writing is to have something in your gut or in your soul or in your mind that's burning to be written.

I loved being pregnant. I felt unapologetically curvy, sexy, and intensely feminine. After giving birth I joined the ranks of millions of new mothers when I moaned, 'Why do I still look pregnant?'

The horse is, like man, the most beautiful and the most miserable of creatures.

Bring mine unopened, with a napkin and an opener. (Blaine) What? Afraid I’m going to spit in it, big boy? (Aimee)