I don’t work. I merely inflict myself on the public.

To fall in love with yourself is the first secret to happiness.

To fall in love with yourself is the first secret of happiness. Then if you're not a good mixer you can always fall back on your own company.

The French are a logical people, which is one reason the English dislike them so intensely. The other is that they own France, a country which we have always judged to be much too good for them.

The British tourist is always happy abroad as long as the natives are waiters.

The ball is man's most disastrous invention, not excluding the wheel.

A party: one arrives long after it's started, and one's going to leave long before it's over.

Every child should be placed on a doorstep to sell something. It's the best possible training for life.

When I asked my accountant if anything could get me out of the mess I am in now, he thought for a long time, and I didn't care much for his answer. 'Yes,' he said. 'Death would help.'

Most owners are at length able to teach themselves to obey their dog.

Show me the man who has enjoyed his schooldays and I will show you a bully and a bore.

Thoughts of love are such a nice way to start a day.

It can’t be done, ” they told the caterpillar. “It can, ” replied the butterfly.

I believe in a higher consciousness. I also believe that nature is supremely conscious. A tree is more conscious than we are.

And I will stop trying to fall in love again, and keep it a secret. It never works out anyway

Even when the world throws it worst and then turns in its back, there is still always hope

Do you want me to have them sedate you until it's over?

It's a very important issue to me, trying to wake people up to the fact that we'd better take better care of our planet.

When you speak a new language you must see if you can translate all of the poetry of your old language into the new one.

Every fancy that we would substitute for a reality is, if we saw aright, and saw the whole, not only false, but every way less beautiful and excellent than that which we sacrifice to it.

To do as one would be done by, and to love one's neighbour as oneself, constitute the ideal perfection of utilitarian morality