I don't hate my enemies. After all, I made 'em.

Any kid will run any errand for you, if you ask at bedtime.

All men make mistakes, but married men find out about them sooner.

Live by this credo: have a little laugh at life and look around you for happiness instead of sadness. Laughter has always brought me out of unhappy situations.

I personally believe that each of us was put here for a purpose -- to build not to destroy. If I can make people smile, then I have served my purpose for God.

There are three signs of old age: loss of memory ... I forget the other two.

I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her first name was Always

Exercise? I get it on the golf course. When I see my friends collapse, I run for the paramedics.

Old age is when broadness of the mind and narrowness of the waist change places.

I personally believe we were put here to build and not to destroy.

Today's comics use four-letter words as a shortcut to thinking. They're shooting for that big laugh and it becomes a panic thing, using four-letter words to shock people.

I’ll give you a theory: Man’s closest relative is not the chimpanzee, as the TV people believe, but is, in fact, the dog.

Advice is cheap; you can take it from me.

We live in a country that talks about being the home of the brave and the land of the free, and we have the highest incarceration rate in the world.

Scientists are like atomic nuclei. They are more easily split than fused.

I was only interested in scoring goals. I wasn't interested in anything else.

I don't know why you're talking about Sweden. They're the neutral one. They don't have an army.

I finally discovered the source of all movement, the unity from which all diversities of movement are born.

When you're making a film, you have an obligation to fill the frame with life.

For pitty, Sir, find out that Bee Which bore my Love away I'le seek him in your Bonnet brave, I'le seek him in your eyes.

People are impatient. They want things to happen overnight, and have no idea of the circumstances and situations that can surround an individual at times.