I believe that if your brain has to get to grips with complicated words, then you won't get Alzheimer's. I'm sure it's not true, but I do believe it.

By puberty I learned that nothing worth having could be easily attained and to succeed one must be single minded.

As long as we prioritize material truths over spiritual truths we will live in tyranny because we are living an illusion

You must not feel persecuted and examined. Liberate yourself from the idea that people are watching you.

The thing I thought about doing it was it's Comic Relief and you've got to be funny. So although I did try to sing properly it obviously has hilarious results when you can't sing.

People say you should read your criticism because it will make you a better person but it doesn't. It just makes you a sad bitter old showbiz nightmare.

I get fixated when I'm bleeding -- I can see why they went in for blood-letting in the medieval times because it makes you feel a bit better. When I cut myself, the drama of it calms me down.

A library doesn't need windows. A library is a window.

There are two types of people in this world: one who opens a packet of biscuits, has one and puts the rest back in the cupboard, and one who eats the whole packet in one go.

The bad-boy label is just an assumption.

There are 10-20 times more male comics than female comics; it's something to do with the social structure of society.

A savage place! as holy and enchanted As e'er beneath a waning moon was haunted By woman wailing for her demon-lover!

Sometimes being indifferent solves everything.

Better a little which is well done, than a great deal imperfectly.

We don't even realize something is broken until someone else shows us a better way

The original Mickey Mouse Club, established in the '30s, was designed to attract children to movie theaters.

I don't get bitter, I just get better.

Essence of humility is unity.

Every book is, in an intimate sense, a circular-letter to the friends of him who writes it.

Preparing for another opponent isn't very glamorous. But it's Hollywood. You want to see the fun parts. The meeting rooms are not super fun.

To make punishments efficacious, two things are necessary. They must never be disproportioned to the offence, and they must be certain.