I am not an intellectual. An intellectual is someone who looks at a sausage and thinks of Picasso, whereas I just say 'pass the mustard'.

Being well-dressed gives a feeling of inward tranquility which psychoanalysis is powerless to bestow.

Unhappiness lies in that gap between our talents and our expectations.

A woman is supposed to have curves like an old Bentley, not like some old bike.

Self-pity is the most destructive of all narcotics.

People either hate me or dislike me - but I realized that people aren't against you, they are for themselves. We're all prejudiced in favor of ourselves.

The problem I've got is that I really, really like drugs. I love everything about them. It is horrific being sober all the time-utterly awful.

One of the many troubles of growing older is that it gets progressively harder to find a famous historical figure who hadn't yet amounted to anything by the time he was your age.

People are obsessed by happiness, but there are a lot of other invigorating experiences available.

But really death seems the least awful thing that can happen to someone

To be worthy of assassination takes more than some crappy little book.

Life doesn't tend to fix things or wrap them up in bows.

Too much information will make your brain choke.

I hate Bernard Shaw because he says that life is compromise.

I am concentrating docilely on the question why U.S. restrooms always appear to us as infirmaries for public distress, the place to reagain control.

When people do things for you, it's because they want to - because you, in some way, give them something meaningful that makes them want to please you, not because anyone owes you anything.

You cannot simply discard God like a box that has been emptied.

No one has yet been found resolute enough in dogmatizing to deny that Nature made man equal; that society has destroyed this equality is a truth not more incontrovertible.

I think passion is the magnet to anything.

Gentlemen, I want you to know that I am not always right, but I am never wrong.

Woe to him who teaches men faster than they can learn.