Here we have a saying: a good friend is someone who visits you when you are in prison. But a really good friend is someone who comes to hear your lectures.

The English are polite by telling lies. The Americans are polite by telling the truth.

With sociology one can do anything and call it work

I've often thought that my scruples about stealing books were the only thing that stood in the way of my being a really great scholar.

Culture is a way of coping with the world by defining it in detail.

You Liberals think that goats are just sheep from broken homes.

If God had been a liberal, we wouldn't have had the Ten Commandments - we'd have the Ten Suggestions.

English history is all about men liking their fathers, and American history is all about men hating their fathers and trying to burn down everything they ever did.

On many American campuses the only qualification for admission was the ability actually to find the campus and then discover a parking space.

Marriage is the most advanced form of warfare in the modern world.

Only the old are innocent. That is what the Victorians understood, and the Christians. Original sin is a property of the young. The old grow beyond corruption very quickly.

Nothing else in nature behaves so consistently and rigidly as a human being in pursuit of hell.

This was in the good old days, when monsters were fantasy.

I'm an artist and I get very attached to my own little ditties.

It’s like, everything really is two ways, the way we all pretend it is and the way it really is

Memory tempers prosperity, mitigates adversity, controls youth, and delights old age.

I am the only man who can say he's been in Take That and at least two members of the Spice Girls.

Cultivate peace of mind which does not separate one's self from one's surroundings. When that is done successfully, then everything else follows naturally.

Chaos is found in greatest abundance wherever order is being sought. It always defeats order, because it is better organized.

Never despair of a child. The one you weep the most for at the mercy-seat may fill your heart with the sweetest joys.

The authentic insight and experience of any human soul, were it but insight and experience in hewing of wood and drawing of water, is real knowledge, a real possession and acquirement.