Habitual intoxication is the epitome of every crime.

The only athletic sport I ever mastered was backgammon.

Earth is here so kind, that just tickle her with a hoe and she laughs with a harvest.

After all there is something about a wedding-gown prettier than in any other gown in the world.

A man never so beautifully shows his own strength as when he respects a woman's softness.

He is one of those wise philanthropists who, in a time of famine, would vote for nothing but a supply of toothpicks.

A coquette is like a recruiting sergeant, always on the lookout for fresh victims.

Quality, not quantity, is my measure.

Marriage is like wine. It is not be properly judged until the second glass.

A man is in no danger so long as he talks his love; but to write it is to impale himself on his own pothooks.

Grumblers deserve to be operated upon surgically; their trouble is usually chronic.

Read and write all the time. Never stop sending out your stuff. If you're constantly writing and sending stuff out, eventually someone will bite.

I've got to be a little more careful. A little more careful about what I say. Don't have too many drinks.

There's no freedom like the freedom that comes from accepting yourself.

I think everyone is born funny. Sadly, some lives beat it out of them. I don't know what allows someone to keep being funny and actually make a career of it.

Every land has its own special rhythm, and unless the traveler takes the time to learn the rhythm, he or she will remain an outsider there always.

In the same way we have a long-term plan for building roads, we have to have a long term plan to build transit.

I have the experience of age and suffering.

The chief cause of human errors is to be found in the prejudices picked up in childhood.

If you're driving more than 50 mph through a neighborhood where the speed limit is 25 mph, I question whether you should keep your driver's license. You're a menace to society.

There is no true life within a false life.