Gittin' talked about is one o' th' penalties for bein' purty, while bein' above suspicion is about th' only compensation fer bein' homely.

Of all the home remedies, a good wife is best.

Next to a circus there ain't nothing that packs up and tears out faster than the Christmas spirit.

Nobody can be as agreeable as an uninvited guest.

The fellow that owns his own home is always just coming out of a hardware store.

The safe way to double your money is to fold it over once and put it in your pocket.

Nobody ever forgets where he buried the hatchet.

If you haven't seen your wife smile at a traffic cop, you haven't seen her smile her prettiest.

The fellow that agrees with everything you say is either a fool or he is getting ready to skin you.

The hardest thing is to take less when you can get more.

It is pretty hard to tell what does bring happiness; poverty and wealth have both failed.

In some way, everyone is your son or daughter, so without judging them, love everyone.

The imagination is always the best torturer.

It's very hard to teach someone how to write a song if to begin with there's no creative crop to harvest.

A musical is the same as a burlap sack, I would not want to be in either

What I do . . . the path I tread . . . it brings some choices that test me hard.

You can’t have peace without a war.

They have been eating muffins. That looks like repentance

Up from the dark the moon begins to creep; and now a pallid, haggard face lifts she above the water-line: thus from the deep a drowned body rises solemnly.

The male is a biological accident: the Y (male) gene is an incomplete X (female) gene, that has an incomplete set of chromosomes.