For years, reality has been nipping at the heels of satire. Now, it's finally caught up. I don't need to make this stuff up.

As long as the government can arbitrarily decide which substances are legal and which are illegal, then those who remain behind bars for illegal substances are political prisoners

There is indeed a business like show business. It's the news.

I Used To Believe In Reincarnation, But That Was In a Past Life.

I had become an atheist at the age of thirteen, when atomic bombs were dropped on Japan.

English is my second language. Laughter is my first.

I guess I'm a spiritual secularist, if that's not an oxymoron. My paths of secularism and spirituality are the same: I try to do the appropriate thing at each moment.

Since I was both an atheist and an absurdist, I had decided that the most absurd thing I could do would be to develop an intimate relationship with the God I didn't believe in.

People don’t like to be lectured to, but if you can make them laugh, their defenses come down, and for the time being they’ve accepted whatever truth is embedded in your humor.

Avoid internalizing society's sexism, racism, ageism - pick an ism, any ism.

Irreverence is our only sacred cow.

I knew it was going to hurt. No one sends such a long text, using so many words just to say "I love you.

A generous friendship no cold medium knows, Burns with one love, with one resentment glows.

Men despise religion. They hate it and are afraid it may be true.

It is only when we are by ourselves that we can know others. When we are with other human beings we are distracted. People try and dream us into their dreams.

The thing about fantasy - there are certain things you just don't do in fantasy.

Take caution in your tone, commander. I'm a fair man, but this -- heat is making me absolutely crazy.

I'm attracted to seeing how different I can be, pushing the boat out.

Strange: how when a light is extinguished, it's immediately as if it has never been. Darkness fills in again, complete.

I've gone through many, many things. I tell you something, that if it doesn't kill you, you get stronger.

Remember that a noble logical diagram, once recorded, will never die; long after we are gone, it will be a living thing, asserting itself with ever-growing insistency.