Feminism is just a way for ugly women to get into the mainstream of America.

If Thomas Jefferson thought taxation without representation was bad, he should see how it is with representation.

Poverty is not the root cause of crime.

Liberals attempt through judicial activism what they cannot win at the ballot box.

We're not sexists, we're chauvinists - we're male chauvinist pigs, and we're happy to be because we think that's what men were destined to be. We think that's what women want.

End results that work that don’t involve government threaten liberals.

You know why there's a Second Amendment? In case the government fails to follow the first one.

Styrofoam and plastic milk jugs are biodegradable! Do you know what isn't biodegradable? Paper!

I think cigars are just a tremendous addition to the enjoyment of life.

The NAACP should have riot rehearsal. They should get a liquor store and practice robberies.

In a country of children where the option is Santa Claus or work, what wins?

Too much fame, money or alcohol can make you stupid.

Oh, well, she decided as her eyes began to close, it is better to love foolishly than to hate bitterly. I hope I am wiser than I was and more kind.

A man once believed he could fly—and he did. Another believed he could walk on the moon—and he did. Why not believe your wildest dreams can come true? Why not see the stars as reachable?

In their eyes, Eve saw the wolf gleam. The story was the prey, ratings the trophy.

There is a major problem with reliance on placebos, like most vitamins and antioxidants. Everyone gets upset about Big Science, Big Pharma, but they love Big Placebo.

It has been observed that one's nose is never so happy as when thrust into the affairs of others from which some physiologists have drawn the inference that the nose is devoid of the sense of smell.

Shaving is a way to start the workday by ritually not cutting your throat when you've the chance.

It takes so long to put a movie into production and finish it that anyone with a bad idea has time to give it to you before the movie is completed.

I only wear clothes because I can't walk around with nothing on, but they started calling me a fashionista.

It's hard not to get depressed when you pay attention to the world and how strangely and corrupt the people in it sometimes behave.