Elections are futures markets in stolen property.

Love is like war: easy to begin but very hard to stop.

On some great and glorious day the plain folks of the land will reach their heart's desire at last, and the White House will be adorned by a downright moron.

The demagogue is one who preaches doctrines he knows to be untrue to men he knows to be idiots.

The whole aim of practical politics is to keep the populace alarmed (and hence clamorous to be led to safety) by menacing it with an endless series of hobgoblins, all of them imaginary.

Morality is doing what is right, no matter what you are told. Religion is doing what you are told, no matter what is right.

Every normal man must be tempted, at times, to spit on his hands, hoist the black flag, and begin slitting throats.

Democracy is a pathetic belief in the collective wisdom of individual ignorance.

The urge to save humanity is almost always a false front for the urge to rule.

It is inaccurate to say that I hate everything. I am strongly in favor of common sense, common honesty, and common decency. This makes me forever ineligible for public office.

Democracy is also a form of worship. It is the worship of Jackals by Jackasses.

Understanding comes out of immense love, which is harder to get in life.

If you look at Libya, I was deeply concerned about what would happen after Qaddafi was gone.

Whenever the dollar is held supreme and capitalistic interests dominate, a higher value will always be placed upon property rights than upon human rights.

Although I fancy Britney, I think Shakira is hot too. Maybe I could let them fight over me. I'm a young lad and I've got to keep my options open.

Is man a savage at heart, skinned o'er with fragile Manners? Or is savagery but a faint taint in the natural man's gentility, which erupts now and again like pimples on an angel's arse?

Our brain is continuously being shaped - we can take more responsibility for our own brain by cultivating positive influences.

Chords that vibrate sweetest pleasure Thrill the deepest notes of woe.

You shouldn't eat animals, it's mean to them.

The best marketing strategy is to destroy your industry before your competition does.

No egoism is so insufferable as that of the Christian with regard to his soul.