Cynic, n. A blackguard whose faulty vision sees things as they are not as they ought to be.

Selfish, adj. Devoid of consideration for the selfishness of others.

ARMOR, n. The kind of clothing worn by a man whose tailor is a blacksmith.

JEALOUS, adj. Unduly concerned about the preservation of that which can be lost only if not worth keeping.

Academe, n.: An ancient school where morality and philosophy were taught. Academy, n.: A modern school where football is taught.

Quotation, n: The act of repeating erroneously the words of another.

AMNESTY, n. The state's magnanimity to those offenders whom it would be too expensive to punish.

GRAPESHOT, n. An argument which the future is preparing in answer to the demands of American Socialism.

Inhumanity, n. One of the signal and characteristic qualities of humanity.

NIHILIST, n. A Russian who denies the existence of anything but Tolstoi. The leader of the school is Tolstoi.

Love, n. A temporary insanity curable by marriage.

Sleeping is nice. You forget about everything for a little while.

I'm hooked on my baby's love, there ain't nothing in the jug this strong.

I've spent my whole life in Chicago being asked where am I from, so that I have a sense of displacement that also is very psychologically disorienting.

Spiritual energy is the one kind that never runs out.

As a child I wanted to be everything from a doctor, lawyer, flight attendant to an IT pro- fessional and could never make up my mind. I figured as an actor I'd get to play all these professions.

Do we elect a man because of what he stands for, because of where he stands on the issues, because how he makes the nation feel?

Women can stand a beating except when it is with their own weapons.

But it was important to simply be sought, even if you didn‟t ever want to be found.

Internet users, that blue screen of death you were looking at this morning? That's the sky. If you're still confused, look it up on Wikipedia tomorrow.