Before machines the only form of entertainment people really had was relationships.

Remember: the time you feel lonely is the time you most need to be by yourself. Life's cruelest irony.

Handmade presents are scary because they reveal that you have too much free time.

You can't fake creativity, competence, or sexual arousal.

Fondue sets, martini shakers and juicing machines: three things the world could live completely without.

If a building looks better under construction than it does when finished, then it's a failure.

Big companies are like marching bands. Even if half the band is playing random notes, it still sounds kind of like music. The concealment of failure is built into them.

Eagles are seagulls with a good hairdo.

We decided that the French could never write user-friendly software because they're so rude.

Is there anything in the world more annoyingly creepy than an unspoken dress code?

When we constantly ask for miracles, we're unraveling the fabric of the world. A world of continuous miracles would not be a world, it would be a cartoon.

I will not be my father's dog.

All I have to do is be the best Al I can be, because I'm good enough, I'm smart enough and, doggone it, people like me.

I do partake in a couple of drinks now and again, but I've never drank to feel alive.

You only get one chance to make a good first impression, and yours may be in the hands of the receptionist.

Memories beautify life, but the capacity to forget makes it bearable.

Child prodigy is a curse because you've got all those terrible possibilities.

I love my iPad. I'll see television shows that I have missed and I'll download them through iTunes. If there is an older movie that I want to watch right away, I can download that movie and watch it.

In the calculus of good deeds you have the most to gain.

Life’s greatest tragedy consists of men and women who earnestly try, and fail!

They criticize because they don't have a life. It's easy to criticize another person.