Bachelor's degrees make pretty good placemats if you get 'em laminated.

A good relationship is like fireworks: loud, explosive, and liable to maim you if you hold on too long.

You can either hold yourself up to the unrealistic standards of others, or ignore them and concentrate on being happy with yourself as you are.

That's what college is for - getting as many bad decisions as possible out of the way before you're forced into the real world. I keep a checklist of 'em on the wall in my room.

There are two ways to pass a hurdle: leaping over or plowing through... There needs to be a monster truck option.

If only corporal punishment cured low self-esteem.

The quickest way to a man's heart really is through his stomach, because then you don't have to chop through that pesky rib cage.

The TV Tropes QC page is every single idiotic comment from my forums distilled into one HTML document.

The trick to writer's block is to sack up and write through it, you see.

Your whole life people tell you to do what you love. But if you gotta do something else to pay the bills, you don't automatically have to be miserable.

Spontaneous kindness is to hipsters as high beams are to deer.

We accept the love we think we deserve.

Be careful with your faith !It could make you see the good side of hell on earth.

Strength does not come from winning. Your struggles develop your strengths. When you go through hardships and decide not to surrender that is strength.

Reason is an historian, but the passions are actors.

I was wearing corn plasters above and below my toes and taping my ankles twice.

If any of you have a desire to be mediocre, you will probably find that you have already achieved your ambition.

There's a perceived inverse relation between looks and talent. Look at Charlize Theron - she made herself ugly for 'Monster' and suddenly everyone said 'she's a genius.' It shouldn't be like that.

It is not discrimination to treat different things differently.

A Clock is not time; it's numbers and springs. Pay it no mind.

The biggest misconception about work is that you need to spend the majority of your time doing it.