Arnie has more people watching him park the car than we do out on the course.

My swing is so bad I look like a caveman killing his lunch.

Pressure is playing for ten dollars when you don't have a dime in your pocket.

Golf is a game invented by the same people who think music comes out of a bagpipe.

You can make a lot of money in this game. Just ask my ex-wives. Both of them are so rich that neither of their husbands work.

I'm going to win so much money this year, my caddie will make the top twenty money-winners list.

The older I get, the better I used to be.

You're Mexican until you make money and then you're Spanish.

I'm not saying my golf game went bad, but if I grew tomatoes, they'd come up sliced.

If you are caught on a golf course during a storm and are afraid of lightning, hold up a 1-iron. Not even God can hit a 1-iron.

There are two things you can do with your head down - play golf and pray.

It is well known that those who do not trust themselves never trust others.

When you are starting out you're inspired by so many different things, you just want to be the best, man...and you're just so ambitious; your drive is just at a million!

Given how well the cards have been dealt to someone like myself, I think there's an inherent obligation to try to reach out and make a difference.

Tania, last time in Morozovo, I let you go, but not this time. This time we live together or we die together.

The individual will always be a minority. If a man is in a minority of one, we lock him up.

I did a film many years ago called The Man Without A Face.Gaby [Hoffmann] was in with Mel Gibson. That was his directing debut. He did a great job.

Things are seldom what they seem.

Because this age and the next age Engender in the ditch, No man can know a happy man From any passing wretch, If Folly link with Elegance No man knows which is which.

Every man, in his own opinion, forms an exception to the ordinary rules of morality.

Kids: they dance before they learn there is anything that isn't music.