Anyone who is considered funny will tell you, sometimes without even your asking, that deep inside they are very serious, neurotic, introspective people.

The real reason for comedy is to hide the pain.

Don't live down to expectations. Go out there and do something remarkable.

No matter how successful I become as a playwright, my mother would be thrilled to hear me tell her that I'd just lost twenty pounds, gotten married and become a lawyer.

The signature of a truly enviable woman is the tenacity and continuity of her women friends.

I'm not going to throw my imagination away. I refuse to lie down to expectation. If I can just hold out till I'm thirty, I'll be incredible.

I really worked at becoming more assertive, and now none of my friends talk to me.

As I ramble through life, whatever be my goal, I will unfortunately always keep my eye upon the doughnut and not upon the whole.

No matter how lonely you get or how many birth announcements you receive, the trick is not to get frightened. There's nothing wrong with being alone.

anyone who writes plays is unbelievably persistent, because there isn't a need in the world for plays. Somehow you internally have to feel a need to write a play.

The struggle to be considered a grown-up begins, I believe, shortly after birth.

Jealousy stings, envy poisons, anger harms, and hate murders.

Among the mutations that have affected the knowledge of things ... only one, which began a century and a half ago ... has allowed the figure of man to appear.

Do not wait to strike till the iron is hot but make it hot by striking.

A man of Seville is shaved by the Barber of Seville if and only if the man does not shave himself. Does the barber shave himself?

It's time to resist efforts of the American Civil Liberties Union who have conducted a religious lobotomy on this country, seeking to strip it of any vestige of religious influence.

Every heart has its own melody.

Intelligent design itself does not have any content.

Freedom, privileges, options, must constantly be exercised, even at the risk of inconvenience.

Always laugh off a slight insult, so that people will understand what it means when you're not laughing.

He that negotiates between God and man, As God's ambassador, the grand concerns Of judgment and of mercy, should beware Of lightness in his speech.