APL is a mistake, carried through to perfection.

If debugging is the process of removing software bugs, then programming must be the process of putting them in.

The question of whether computers can think is like the question of whether submarines can swim.

Programming is one of the most difficult branches of applied mathematics; the poorer mathematicians had better remain pure mathematicians.

The lurking suspicion that something could be simplified is the world's richest source of rewarding challenges.

Computer science is no more about computers than astronomy is about telescopes.

The purpose of abstraction is not to be vague, but to create a new semantic level in which one can be absolutely precise.

Simplicity and elegance are unpopular because they require hard work and discipline to achieve and education to be appreciated.

Program testing can be used to show the presence of bugs, but never to show their absence!

Elegance is not a dispensable luxury but a factor that decides between success and failure.

Teaching COBOL ought to be regarded as a criminal act.

Integration happens when all parts of your being are in harmony.

Happiness is the cure—a cheerful mind the preventive: cultivate both.

You don’t get one chance at life but many over one lifetime.

The descent to hell is easy and those who begin by worshipping power, soon worship evil.

I'm a fatheaded guy, full of pain. It tore me up not having you.

You don't sweat much for a fat girl.

I'm not going to let Wall Street get away with murder. Wall Street has caused tremendous problems for us.

To give and not expect return, that is what lies at the heart of love.

Ask yourself the secret of your success. Listen to your answer, and practice it.

You know, I have seven children, so I guess I know some things about life.