A nun, at best, is only half a woman, just as a priest is only half a man.

Love is like war: easy to begin but very hard to stop.

On some great and glorious day the plain folks of the land will reach their heart's desire at last, and the White House will be adorned by a downright moron.

The demagogue is one who preaches doctrines he knows to be untrue to men he knows to be idiots.

The whole aim of practical politics is to keep the populace alarmed (and hence clamorous to be led to safety) by menacing it with an endless series of hobgoblins, all of them imaginary.

Morality is doing what is right, no matter what you are told. Religion is doing what you are told, no matter what is right.

Every normal man must be tempted, at times, to spit on his hands, hoist the black flag, and begin slitting throats.

Democracy is a pathetic belief in the collective wisdom of individual ignorance.

The urge to save humanity is almost always a false front for the urge to rule.

It is inaccurate to say that I hate everything. I am strongly in favor of common sense, common honesty, and common decency. This makes me forever ineligible for public office.

Democracy is also a form of worship. It is the worship of Jackals by Jackasses.

What the edge of Truth cuts, the edge of Grace mends.

To talk about the need for perfection in man is to talk about the need for another species.

The filth and noise of the crowded streets soon destroy the elasticity of health which belongs to the country boy.

My brother and I, we were both relatively good-looking guys growing up, but we had our awkward stages, where we were just hard to look at.

I'm not naive enough to pretend that on its own cinema can capture the very soul of significant social and cultural problems.

At 3 years old, I was telling people that I was going to be a star. I never had a plan B. And I've never compromised my integrity to get what I have.

Many people do think it's naive to improvise in front of paying customers. I'm not saying one way is better than another.

As soon as women become ours we are no longer theirs.

For years I was doing the excruciating weightlifting of writing scripts - but then I stayed thin and someone else got all the muscles.

I love you. You're my only reason to stay alive... if that's what I am.