A lot of people mistake a short memory for a clear conscience.

Wisdom is the reward you get for a lifetime of listening when you'd have preferred to talk.

To err is human; to admit it, superhuman.

Never doubt the courage of the French. They were the ones who discovered that snails are edible.

Life expectancy would grow by leaps and bounds if green vegetables smelled as good as bacon.

Instead of giving a politician the keys to the city, it might be better to change the locks.

The aging process has you firmly in its grasp if you never get the urge to throw a snowball.

Some of the world's greatest feats were accomplished by people not smart enough to know they were impossible.

If people concentrated on the really important things in life, there'd be a shortage of fishing poles.

More marriages might survive if the partners realized that sometimes the better comes after the worse.

A true friend is one who overlooks your failures and tolerates your success.

I discovered, however, in the early days of our marriage that, in having her way, she put my interests ahead of her own.

Free the fire fluttering inside her rib cage. Work her muscles, the bow, the violin, until she played herself to ash and embers and left the rest of the world behind to smolder.

If you can find a path with no obstacles, it probably doesn't lead anywhere.

And you’ll miss me more as the narrowing weeks wing by. Someday duly, oneday truly, twosday newly, till whensday.

You don't always have to have the ending, but you want to have a satisfactory conclusion.

I'm looking for a woman who's head is mixed up like mine.

There's an old joke that you know you're in heaven if the cooks are Italian and the engineering is German. If it's the other way around you're in hell.

Competition can be the most nerve-racking experience. Some people just thrive on it.

All of my writing is God-given.

I don't like when people dress intentionally ugly. Personally that's not my thing.