Today Quotes
Earlier today, President Bush said Kerry will be a tough and hard-charging opponent. That explains why Bush's nickname for Kerry is math.
Today President Obama is in the Middle East. He met the new king of Saudi Arabia. Obama also met Saudi Arabia's first lady, the second lady, third lady, and fourth lady.
Earlier today, the White House released President Bush's tax return. Not surprisingly, under dependents, the president listed Iraq
Gary Busey said on the Today Show yesterday that Donald Trump would make a great President. Now Trump just needs endorsements from Randy Quaid and Charlie Sheen.
Today, possible presidential candidate Donald Trump released his birth certificate. It lists his eyes as blue and his hair as ridiculous.
Donald Trump announced today he is running for president of the United States. Traditionally that means six more weeks of comedy.
According to some reports coming out of Washington today, President Obama said Kanye West is a 'jackass.' Not since 'yes, we can' has Obama found a slogan so many Americans can get behind.
Today, Snoop Dog endorsed Ron Paul for president. Snoop said he likes Paul's positions on everything from legalizing pot ... to legalizing pot.
Today Secretary of State John Kerry visited the small African nation of Djibouti. Or to use the official diplomatic term, he made a Djibouti call.
President Obama has decided that he wants his presidential library to be in Chicago, not Hawaii. Today Hawaii's governor said, 'Great, who's going to want to come to Hawaii now?'
It was reported today that U.S. military bases will not show 'Brokeback Mountain.' However, during interrogations, U.S. troops will continue to show 'Deuce Bigalow: European Gigolo.'
Today, Angelina Jolie met with Pope Francis at the Vatican. Long story short: She adopted him.
Today, especially, when there are so many stations for viewers to choose from, if they want news, they always come to CNN and that's where I wanted to be
People always want to pin yesterday's news on you, as opposed to asking you what you're going to do for the future, what you're doing today.
There is no future in which bits will be harder to copy than they are today ... Any business model that based on the idea that bits will be harder to copy is doomed.
I'm much more of a realist. I'm really practical. I'm the kind of person that calls my business manager and says, OK, if it were all to end today, how many months do I have to live?
There's so many young women today who look so lost. And I feel like, of course they're lost. They have no one around them to give them real, authentic reflection.
Everything went smoothly at the sailing events today, except for the British team. They forgot to bring limes and they all got scurvy.
World War Z is out today. The big zombie movie. The trailer looks scary. You see hordes of bodies climbing and rolling over each other. It's like Black Friday at the mall.
Wikipedia celebrates its 12th birthday today. Of course, I have no idea if it's true. I read it on Wikipedia.
Today Monopoly added a new game piece: the cat. The new piece was chosen after weeks of online voting. Is that a surprise? Whenever there's a vote for something on the Internet, the cat always wins.
Jeb Bush announced today on the Internet that he may run for president. The next presidential election could be Bush vs. Clinton. It will be like 1992 all over again except I won't be in rehab.
There's going to be a new cable-TV channel for dogs. Dogs don't even watch TV. But the schedule came out today. And they've got great shows, like Barks & Recreation and Game of Bones.
Today, John Kerry announced a fool-proof plan to wipe out the $500B deficit. John Kerry has a plan, he's going to put it on his wife's Gold Card.
Today Homeland Security Chief Tom Ridge lowered the terror alert from orange to yellow. Does anybody need 16 miles of duct tape?
President Bush is trying to put a positive spin on the latest bad economic numbers. Today he declared victory in the 'War on Jobs.'
It seems that more people today have a greater desire to live long than they do to live well.
If ideas are what feed serious literature and arresting language, who today is writing a novel of ideas (which can often mean comedy)? I think of Joshua Cohen. Who else?
It's true that what is morbid is highly valued today, and so you may think that I am only joking or that I've devised just one more means of praising Art with the help of irony.
Today we understand that the future of humanity very much depends on our planet, and that the future of the planet very much depends on humanity.
If I were to die today, I would have some concern for Tibet. But I know that I have personally done as much as I can to use my existence for others. So I have no regret.
Today we are apt to downplay or disregard the importance of good thinking to strong faith; and some, disastrously, even regard thinking as opposed to faith.
We're making so many images today and it's unbelievable. I shoot stuff all the time. I try to figure a lot out before I paint. I do a tremendous amount of shooting.
Yeah. You've seen The Sun today; I've got myself a big house, settled down. Apart from the odd night out with the New Fathers' Club, I'm a family man now.
We'll let the sunshine in and shine on us, because today we're happy and tomorrow we'll be even happier.
Coming to the civil rights movement in the twentieth century, we begin to have this idea that's still with us today, which is that the main purpose of public education is closing achievement gaps.
Had an audition for a pilot today, but realized I could save gas and help the environment by pissing up a rope here at home!
I do think I am funny, or I wouldn't be where I am today. I do think there is always room for improvement and learning.
Terrorism is nothing new. Lots of terrorist attacks are nothing new, but we pay a lot more attention to them today.