Humorous Quotes
People stubbornly lived their lives as they wanted, without regard to me, to an amazing degree.
It's like somebody stuffed him in a barrel full of moonshine-proof cluelessness and then left him there to get pickled in it while it fermented into malice.
I do not take advice from people who are 100 percent sure. I take advice from those that believe they are as close to sure as possible, but understand they could be completely wrong.
If you were a real professional, you'd build a bridge and get over it.
He didn’t recruit me, ” Cett pointed out. “I got pulled by my balls into this little fiasco.”“I wish I cared enough to apologize, ” Elend said, staring at them.
Typical St Mary’s. When the chips are down we don’t whine and we don’t run – we do some damage.
If an angry bull is running toward you, and your pants become wet despite holding the red cloth, make sure the other side of the cloth is white.
Everyone has someone to call on when they're down, let me be that someone when that ones not around.
Seriously, what would you prefer? To stand out from everyone else, or disappear in the crowd? Because I call the latter 'sheep.
Wisdom of the Ages: Another Bush in the White House-Yep they keep forgetting to grab the TV and silverware.
A terrified-looking bystander, a nerdy man in a sweater, calls the police and stammers into the phone: 'A huge group of people are fighting and there's pepper spray and superheroes and I don't know.
The forest, like a casino, always wins. That's why you should never gamble, or enter the forest. And above all, never underestimate Schmidty.
There comes a time in every woman's life where she will decide to eat cookie dough. It is when and how that truly defines her.
You are all wave particles when I close my eyes. I am no more entranced by your entanglement than a butterfly is to a bee.
Dude, you know I'm not getting paid for this shit, which is probably against the law. Child labor going on right here in the heartland of America!-Dan Garrett
I tried to blow a yellow jacket out and now it's wearing a bow tie in its mouth.
We’re animals, primates to be precise, ” I pointed out. “Games are role playing from our hunter gatherer days.”“That's nothing to be proud of, ” he said, in a fair imitation of Papa's manner.
Its decision to suck up an extra helping of toddler soup would cost it dearly.
You know, Becky, you haven't been the same since that crowbar fell on your head.
If I want to dress up like Princess Leia and lightsaber fight the clone army in my living room, well the Han Solo in my life is just going to have to accept it.
Now, invite me in, before I lose my temperature.’‘Temper, you mean.’‘No, temperature. It’s getting chilly.
Overflowing with the milk of human kindness, the family had invited everyone they could think of, including people they cordially disliked.
People who think animals have expressionless faces are like people who can ignore an open package of Oreos. Not quite human.
If you want to keep people happy, just keep the food and entertainment rolling.
Paranoid? Probably. But just because you're paranoid doesn't mean that there isn't an invisible demon about to eat your face.
. . . parent could embarrass their kids during the teenage years, but only a true virtuoso could embarrass them into their twenties and beyond.
She would seize every opportunity to dive into the bathroom, in a swirl of white towels, and once in there she was as hard to dislodge as a limpet from a rock.
If I had echolocation I could map out the terrain of ab muscles through sheer force of will. His cut body is meant to be relief mapped the way Braille is meant to be read. With my fingertips.
Having our old Gran in the car was like having a cranky 'Tassie Tiger' sitting in the back. You never knew when she might jump forward and bite you on the back of your neck.
I always try to cheer myself up by singing when i get sad. Most of the time, it turns out that my voice is worse than my problems.
Josh is the company tech expert, which means we all think he’s a little bit shaman, a little bit magician, and mostly a nerd.
Did we really come all that way?" She asked. "Time flies when you're scared out of your mind." He answered.
