Humor Quotes
The Rusty Ruins were the remains of an old city, a hulking reminder of back when there'd been way too many people, and everyone was incredibly stupid. And ugly.
Getting into a fight with a popular senior. Pissing off a school teacher and the local chief of police. Hanging with two major-league losers." She slapped my back. "Welcome to high school.
The ones who constantly make us laugh are the hardest of friends to know - for comedians are the caricatures among us.
Whenever you feel like feeling like a devil's advocate, Bible-thump. That, in a worldly world, is the great irony and satire of evangelism.
The only activity a cynic will find contagious is yawning, that is, with other people, at other people.
Liberace was certainly master and commander of the ivories ~ he is the only pianist I can watch or listen to without suffering a case of 'Stagefright Sympathy Sickness'.
Supplementing the far, remote Glory-of-God expression in his face, the glory-of-doughnuts shone suddenly very warmly.
There are no things man was not meant to know. There are, perhaps, things man is too dumb to figure out, but that's a different problem.
Gravity disappears again, and we rise up off the floor like spooks from a grave. It's like the Rapture in here every thirty seconds.
The simplest strategy for bouts of noxious flatus is to not care. Or perhaps to take advantage of a gastroenterologist I know: get a dog. (To blame.)
With no reason to hide these words I feel, and no reason to talk about the books I read, but still, I do.
The airport bookstore did not sell books, only bestsellers, which Sita Dulip cannot read without risking a severe systemic reaction.
I'm going to find whoever is responsible for me sleeping out side with outside without pillows and kick them in the shins!-Enna
They were perfectly suited. They would speak of books the livelong day and night and bore everyone else but themselves to distraction.
When a book and a head collide and a hollow sound is heard, must it always have come from the book?
While art thrives on the blazing colours of scandal, literature blossoms on the dark soil of tragedy.
I'd rather be single, happy, and lonely sometimes than married, lonely, and happy sometimes.
Then what are you? An electronic Hannibal Lector? You can't eat my liver with fava beans through a modem, you know.
The past haunts the present in more ways than we think. It certainly scares the living daylights out of ME"~ Old Wrinkly
I was nearly unnerved at my proximity to a nameless thing at the bottom of a pit.
Wait, I got it. We, uh, won the battle and lost the war, or was it the other way around? 'Cause around here, it's hard to tell sometimes.
Girls at war opt for a quieter cruelty than fistfights and drive-by shootings. Girls circumvent the corporeal and go straight for each other's souls. The bleeding is harder to stanch.
He claimed that nearby gun thunder cleared the mind - but most everybody else agreed it made you daft.
I didn't want to die - not before I'd finished reading The Return of the Native anyhow.
Got to say, dying would really wreck my best day. Been there, done that, and now that I think about it, Artemis forgot to give me the t-shirt.
You can't believe everything people tell you - not even if those people are your own brain.
I learned early and at that kitchen table that there are ways of avoiding, without guilt, the commitments of love.
Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, which is a pity because this week the National Association of Beholders wrote to tell me that I've got a face like a rucksack full of dented bells.
As far as I'm concerned, I'm a middle-of-the-road moderate and the rest of you are crazy.
If you actually are an educated, thinking person, you will not be welcome in Washington, D.C. I know a couple of bright seventh graders who would not be welcome in Washington D.C.
It's all very well to put the government in the hands of the perfect man, but what do you do when the perfect man gets a bellyache?
Dr Urbino did not agree: in his opinion a Liberal president was exactly the same as a Conservative president, but not as well dressed.
Thank God she doesn't have to be confirmed by the Senate.(on the birth of his granddaughter)
Women are constantly trying to commit suicide for love, but generally they take care not to succeed.
Okay, take a deep breath, I told myself. Don't go all hormonal. Get the facts straight. Have a mental doughnut.
I was seducing shepherdesses when you weren't a twinkle in your great-grandcestor's eyes. I think I know what I'm doing.
It's only through sheer force and luck that she's yet to take over the world.
Everybody must be managed. Queens must be managed. Kings must be managed, for men want managing almost as much as women, and that's saying a good deal.
Women have a passion for mathematics. They divide their age in half, double the price of their clothes, and always add at least five years to the age of their best friend.
I have no will of my own. Never did. Limp and lily-livered, I always obey - is it possible that's attractive to women?
Finally someone takes me seriously enough to ask for my word of honor, and it’s a villain.
