Humor Quotes

It's such a silly little thing, the heart.

contemporary poetry is a kind of Reykjavik, a place where accessibility and intelligence have been fighting a Cold War by proxy for the last half-century.

Secretly, deep down, everybody on Earth believes they can write poetry, apart from the members of the Poets' Guild, who know they can't.

Something about being rejected at Church Camp felt so much more awful than being rejected at school.

Writing is a dying form. One reads of this every day.

I cringe when critics say I'm a master of the popular novel. What's an unpopular novel?

If a writer writes poems and short stories and novels, but nobody ever reads them, is she really a writer?

Pen-bereavement is a serious matter.

History is gossip that's been legitimized, and that's really the case when you get into some of the Roman historians. Wow! They'd be right at home on reality tv.

A good story should provoke discussion, debate, argument...and the occasional bar fight.

Stay humble as a writer: write on toilet paper.

it's been my experience that most writers don't talk about their craft--they just do it

but I have no mind for business and considered staying awake to be enough of an accomplishment.

Saying someone is religious is heard in most of America as a compliment, a reassuring affirmation that someone will be moral, ethical, and after a few glasses of wine, a freak in the bedroom.

When we passed a Catholic church, I recalled, he said, "You think your dad's a good chemist? They're turning soda crackers into meat in there. Can your dad do that?

The Reformer is always right about what's wrong. However, he's often wrong about what is right.

When you have faith in something a lot of other people believe then you a member of the church" said Ceas, "When you have faith in something nobody believes, then you a complete wacko

I used my history degree about twice a year whether I needed to or not.

Hey, Geekoid!" yelled Duncan Dougal, "Why do you read so much? Don't you know how to watch TV?

I was trying to decide if you still had free will as a wolf. If I was a terrible person for planning to drug my girlfriend and drag her back to my house to keep in the basement.

The manlier you are, the harder it is to understand what a woman wants: there is not a hint of female brain in you.

I don't talk with everybody because i am not everybody, i am single.

… she gave me a look that deftly combined tenderness with revulsion. To this day the memory of that look still visits me like a Jehovah’s Witness: uninvited and tireless.

...whenever a woman describes a man as sweet, the dalliance is doomed.

The moment seemed endless, but it was probably only half that.

He would have shaved the centaurs, dipped them in honey, covered them with feathers, and hung them up like a bunch of pinatas. I'm just saying." - Warren

Every time you try to flirt with her, a puppy dies.

And it's really very difficult to kill someone when all your inner instincts would oblige you to take off your hat first!

No, no. Don't make that face. Every time I propose to you, you make that twisty, unhappy face. It wears on a man's confidence.

You are the Energizer Bunny for badasses. -Ash

If the Lord hasn't got a boyfriend lined up for me to marry, that's his business.

The guy thought he was Mick Jagger. I felt bad for him.

No headboards were broken.

Forgive me....I called you an idiot. I spoke too hastily. You are not. Had I given it more thought, I would have called you a scoundrel.

We must, we must, we must increase our bust.

A classroom . People trying to stick me in classrooms was becoming as predictable and annoying as people trying to kill me, but with less-fun results.

June cackled with delight, muttering, "Whoops!" as a car almost killed them.

I feel as though whenever I create something, my Mr. Hyde wakes up in the middle of the night and starts thrashing it. I sometimes love it the next morning, but other times it is an abomination.

If I were to vote, I would intentionally vote for the goofiest candidate. It is my theory that when the people can outwit the leader, the more respected their voices will be.

Who knew Demon Child would have such a normal name? I expected something exotic like Serena or Destiny or the Evil One That Comes in the Night to Make Us Chilly.

My negotiation skills are are on par with George Bush's reading ability. And just like Dubya, every time I've tried to put forth an effort, I am reminded that my only true strength lies in drinking.

I can’t chitchat and make breakfast at the same time. You could help, you know, instead of standing there like the Queen of England. Although you’re a lot better-looking.

You set fire to my house, killed my family, and ate my dog. But steal my boyfriend? That's a step too far.

Jev stroked his chin. "Do I look like a summer fling?

Finding the book was like kissing a lightning bolt.

He's quite extraordinary with his moves and spins. I think he was a baton girl in a past life [on his co-star Hayden Christensen].

Psychobabble attempts to redefine the entire English language just to make a correct statement incorrect. Psychology is the study of why someone would try to do this.

She wore so much thick white makeup in order to conceal her naturally rosy complexion that if she turned around suddenly her face would probably end up on the back of her head.

The logic behind patriotism is a mystery. At least a man who believes that his own family or clan is superior to all others is familiar with more than 0.000003% of the people involved.

It kind of struck me how great it would be to go out with a guy that size. And if you, you know, got tired of dating him, you could always use him as a house or something.