Humor Quotes
How well I know you by your deeds and how invariably you succeed in living down to what one expects of you!
When it comes to exacting revenge, it gets harder and harder to top yourself each successive time
What are you? The pregnant MacGyver?” “Best compliment I’ve had in a while.
She swore she'd never turn into her P.I. father...but that was before she ran over the body.
You don't have to be religious to hear God, you just have to be willing, and there's a big difference between the two.
If I’m going down, I’m going down with lipstick on.” ~Maggie Mae Castro
Great. This girl was going to seriously mess with my ability to stay on parole. ~Maggie Mae Castro
Really? Assaulting an officer? That’s a new one for you.” ~ FBI Special Agent Clive Poole to Maggie Mae Castro
You have a very attractive revenge streak in you. I like it. A lot.” ~Maggie Mae Castro to FBI Special Agent Clive Poole
Here, I stole it for you. Why don’t you tell me what it’s for.”“Aw, Sophronia, how thoughtful. You brought me a present!
No time better than the present, ’ I always say. Or was that, ‘Nothing is better than a present’? I forget.
Ten minutes later, I chance a second look. They say curiosity killed the cat. I wonder what that cat was looking at, and was it as interesting as this?
Miss Fitt, you know curiosity gets men killed."I grinned. "Then I daresay it's good I'm a woman.
Blood rushed to the regions of my body that I associated with naughtiness, and I was powerless to stop it.
Amazing how a confluence of praise and lust can just make your defensive barriers collapse like Jell-O on a hot stove
. . . I still wouldn't be able to control myself around him, and I'm math geek enough to know that equation doesn't work out.
If she's not alright, I'm going to rip out his heart and eat it." I nodded. "You really shouldn't eat raw meat, " Chubs said.
To air one's views gratuitously, however, is to imply that the demand for them is brisk, which may not be the case, and which, in any event, may not be relevant to the discussion.
Writing is like making love, editing is like giving your great grandfather a sponge bath.
I had a dream that I was in someone else’s shoes for once…they were the wrong size.
Luce blushed. "Then what kind of angel are you?""I'm sort of in between gigs right now, " Daniel said.
On a wing and a prayer." (After being asked how the angels make love in Milton's Paradise Lost).
She hadn’t planned any of this, but her thoughts ran away with her, and she hated how pathetic she must sound. Poor little human needed the big bad angel to rescue her. Yuck.
Maturity is when you no longer get the urge to make snow angels in mud season
If this is where you ask me to run around in my birthday suit, I’m not entirely comfortable with that, ” I said, smirking.
So. You're a fallen angel." She folded her arms."I'm not fallen, " he said roughly."Then what are you?"He shrugged. "Busted.
A day ago, the sight of a man removing his face would have blown thick chunks of Aiden’s mind out the back of his head, but not today. Today Aiden was fresh out of shock and running low on wonder.
I kept a picture of me kissing my dad’s corpse on the forehead in my wallet for years. I’d break it out any time someone showed me a baby picture, just so they would know how it ends.
While death is sadly inevitable, our grief will soon pass like a swallowed penny through one’s bowels.Painful change just takes time.
I had a very funny and depressing talk with my seventy-four-year-old mother. I decided, she doesn't have a bucket list - she has a kick-the-bucket list.
(I didn’t tell him that thediagnosis came three months after I got my first period. Like: Congratulations! You’re a woman. Now die.)
Death can come slow. Death can come quick. If you've got one last breath, you better make the most of it.
I once told him that the best way to break up a fight is to step between the two people and start singing ancient folk songs. But I’d never heard of anyone actually doing such a thing.
It's always funny that you can try and try again to steal all your critics' ammo, predict their responses, but no matter what, they'll still have a water gun stashed somewhere.
Next to a circus there ain't nothing that packs up and tears out any quicker than the Christmas spirit
Without the door let sorrow lie, And if for cold it hap to die, We'll bury 't in a Christmas pie, And evermore be merry.