Humor Quotes
I hate it when I go into a Snack Shack and they're out of Blue Ice. The other slushie flavors taste like cheap candy.
I am no coward sir! I shall stand and fight!""Well, I am, " said Sal. "So can we go... please?
Yes, Father. They have the bravest hearts, the noblest souls, and the shiniest armor in all the world.”“Shiniest armor?” repeated King Ban.
Susan had told him once that bravery was when you wanted to pee your pants, but you kept fighting
Adding kidney beans to his cottage cheese and pineapple was an act of bravery Dave had not intended.
The only person I compete with is Satan. If that happens to be you, then could you please move out of the way? You’re standing in Christ’s spot.
When she says 'I've never done this before" she just means with you
In a desperate attempt to stay young forever we have achieved eternal childishness, rather than eternal youth.
Stephanie took another puff from her candy cigarette, reached into her purse, brought out the rest of the pack, and said, "Want one of these damned cigarettes?
Hm. Didn’t you use to be a lot smaller?”“Yes, ” said Jinx. “Because I used to be six.
He looked so silly that I could not stop laughing, even as my tears kept flowing. Is the root of laughter also sorrow? As I laughed, I was filled with both joy and sorrow.
I call the right axe Sorrow, " she said. "You know what I call the left one?" "Happiness?" "Sorrow. I can't tell them apart.
Just because you're in the market for a minivan doesn't mean you can't test drive a hotrod.
I’d rather straighten my pubes with a flat iron than go on another blind date.
It wasn't like there was a dating and mating website for bear shifters. If there had been, its mascot would have been that yellow Care Bear with the heart on its stomach.
Hormones, it seemed, we're making a much-delayed appearance in her life.Liv was horrified.
Seasoned digital daters are like lions who have had their prey killed, butchered, and served to them on a tray in their artificial habitat for so long that they’ve forgotten how to hunt.
He’s so outta my league, we’re not even playing the same sport… He’s professional soccer in Europe and I’m intramural badminton in the States.
Maybe I shouldn't scare off my date so quickly by shooting guns and telling stories about vomit, but, hey, the sooner he knows the real me, the better.
I may be taller than her on my knees. Does she need a man she can climb?
You men deserve whatever rabbit-boiling scenario dating crazy women gets you.
His name is Tyson? I hate to break it to you, but you dated a brand of chicken.
Why one human being is attracted to another is one of the great mysteries of the world.
Maybe love is something we’re meant to say casually and not regard as a prize from a treasure chest that a person earns.
Courting is an activity where a man and a woman flaunt their virtues. Dating is an activity where life exposes the other’s vices.
Relationships are not additive, but multiplicative because you connect with his/her childhood experiences, past relationships, thoughts on money and more.
What's your name?""Emma Gould, " she said. "What's yours?""Wanted.""By all the girls or just the law?
Dating should really be more like furniture store commercials....I would love to' pay no interest for 6 months
Does speed dating necessarily end up in a quickie divorce....?
Dating meant nightclubs, heels, and black. It meant, "No, thank you. Really, I'm full." It meant matching bras and underwear. Clothes with the word MICRO used to describe them.
Conflict of interest. I wanted to date somebody who was less screwed up than me, and she wasn't.
When a boy's first romantic interlude is with Pheobe the Dog-Faced Girl, he feels a need to get out into the world and find a new life.
As an adult, getting paid thousands of dollars a week to say, “Aye, Sir. Course laid in” is a seriously sweet gig, but when I was a teenager, it sucked.
You know Becky, you haven't been the same since that crowbar fell on your head." - spoken by my mother after I eloped with a guy I'd known for about a month, when I was 18 years old!
Oh my!! How you've grown. Soon you'll be catching the Lord's balls.
A garden is never finished. In that sense it is like the human world and all human undertakings.
He clenched his small fist, bellowed his rage to the heavens, and resolved to never again recognize the authority of any man on earth.
I know that I'm crazy. And that has made all the difference." From: Furiously Happy: A funny book about horrible things.
Men ought to be a four-letter word! Menn!