Humor Quotes
You know Becky, you haven't been the same since that crowbar fell on your head." - - said to me by my mother after I eloped with a guy I'd known for about 30 days, when I was 18 years old!
Humor writers:1) Write2) Laugh3) Laugh when they write4) Write when they laugh
Remember how we put stickers with your name on your pocessions that could be stolen.We didn't put a sticker on your innocence so don't lose it!
You kids were all planned, you were just planned really, really quickly.
You can only move if you are actually in the moment. You have to be where you are to get where you need to go.
Interns, unite: you have nothing to lose but your unpaid positions!
Audrey Hepburn, as famous as she was, packed her own suitcases... I don’t know why that struck me, but it did. 'She has a servant’s heart, ' I thought.
Sherry Carroll is a real life Penny Lane and one wonders if she hasn't got Cameron Crowe or Lester Bangs hidden somewhere in her suburban basement.
Good folk, I have no coin, To take were to purloin:I have no copper in my purse, I have no silver either, And all my gold is on the furzeThat shakes in windy weatherAbove the rusy heather.
They say everything looks better with odd numbers of things. But sometimes I put even numbers—just to upset the critics.
Like many people who dress in black, the lump of coal was interested in becoming an artist.
Hey Jake. I got an idea.''Be gentle with it, ' the Doc grinned. 'It's in a strange place.
Conscience is the inner voice that warns us somebody may be looking.
No, ' the professor replied. 'Her Majesty s alive and well - at least I assume so if she hasn't met a certain van driver from Yeovil.' ~Professor Hamilton
Women are aroused by the strangest things, like a rock going through their bedroom window
She had a voice so husky it could have pulled a dogsled, and the gun she was holding gave me a bad case of barrel envy.
He was a humorist, and everyone knew the funny writers were the most serious sort under their skins.
Oh, friend John, it is a strange world, a sad world, a world full of miseries, and woes and troubles, and yet when King Laugh come he make them all dance to the tune he play.
i prefer to think of the good times. Like when you held my hair as I was vomiting into a bucket.
It turns out that we’re not the only ones who go out on a scientific limb as we discuss or attempt to discuss cars, car repairs and scientific education in America today.
Our specialty was exasperated dignity and the discombombulation of Authority.
Worn over the man’s head like a deranged bank robber is a pair of pink cotton panties.
Etiquette tip: If you're looking for the right time to leave a party, when the host yells, "No one leaves here alive, " that's your cue.
Tria finally slumped to the ground “I swear I'm sick of falling into pits and swamps...” “Hey, upside is you're not dead yet so win win.” Ingra said cheerfully.
If I could go back and say one thing to my younger self it would be: YOU ARE NOT FAT.
If by fawning, you mean he’s a deer, I have a gun, and it’s hunting season, then I guess you’re right.
Time heals all wounds. Unless they're infected. Like gangrene. That shit'll kill you.
Agres!” she hissed again even louder this time “WHAT!” Tria smiled “Oh good you are alive.
My comebacks aren't nearly as sharp as my shiv. Come inside and I'll show you.
Them Frenchies!’ ‘Unchristian, that’s what I call ’em, ’ responded Mr. Stubbs severely. ‘I fair compassionate that wench.
On the first floor, the first rule of a rumor was humor.
Only criminals and madmen walk into Central Park after midnight...or, occasionally, an actor. (Dark City Lights)
The dimple in his left cheek was ironic-it gave the impression that he was sweet as a cupcake. (Dark City Lights)