Humor Quotes

You can't do that, it makes too much sense.

Don't make me come down there. - God

Being a Falconer is about saving the buggers even if they don't deserve it." - Farlan MacNeil

How has he moved so quickly from childlike naïvité to existential panic?

People who do not eat butterflies will wear their clothes the wrong way, and people who wear their clothes the wrong way are inviting lemmings inside." -- Muzhduk the Ugli the Third

I suppose longevity requires giving up life's pleasures, one by one, until there's nothing left.

Sometimes your own tongue can make you deaf and dumb.

Try & try until you cannot succeed.

A clear conscience is due to a poor memory.

In life things are only free after you've paid for them.

I take very few people seriously, and I'm not one of them.

The stupidest people suddenly become a little cleverer when we learn that they think well of us

Iron deficiency can lead to a wardrobe full of crumpled clothes

PricklyWhen I'm feelingporcupine-y, I get nasty, I get whiny.Stay away orI might stick you.My sharp words arequills to prick you.

The morning slathers its whateveracross the thing.

(1)BEING A POETis like opening a car door& exposing yourself.(2)BEING A GOOD POETis like opening the door& exposing the passengeras well.

If you're KING be aware of KINGS!

Be afraid of nothing but be aware of everything.

One: Don't play leapfrog with elephants.Two: Don't pet a tiger unless his tail is wagging.Three: Never, ever, mess with the Ladies Auxiliary.-Mayberry Rules for a Long, Happy Life

Someone asked me when is my birthday?The poet inside me replied, "My birthday is on the last day of the year, It's 31st December my dear!

I crack jokes and do silly things not so that people laugh on me but because of me.

Be happy, be fun, let your hair down and be AGELESS!

That awkward moment when you realize someone was actually home the whole time you were singing on the tops of your lungs.

Choose life, choose to be happy and make somebody smile.

All of us are in the manufacturing industry - manufacturing either our own happiness or unhappiness.

If there's no chocolate in Heaven, I'm not going.

Heaven has no taste.""Now-""And not one single sushi restaurant."A look of pain crossed the angel's suddenly very serious face.

‪Am I dead? Is this heaven? No, I can't be. I'm realizing this as I process my second sensation: discomfort. I turn my head. Ooh, a TV. Maybe it is heaven.

If heaven really exists: then heaven is the job, hell is unemployment, while life is merely an interview.

This letter is written on the skin of one of the water sprites who drowned your parents.''Ick!' I cried, and dropped the letter on the kitchen table.

Honey, that man would do anything to keep you. Lie, steal, cheat, kill, clean up after himself, and do laundry.

The little weasel ripped all the buttons off my couch.Ivan Petrovsky, pg 350

Jason is explaining the ins and outs of being a bird shifter to Merry.She says:"Sheesh. Okay, I think I only have one more ques

You think us fairies don’t understand sarcasm? We invented sarcasm.

Demons were all about ego, which meant that most demons had some kind of title. I think it made them feel better about their tiny…pitchforks.

Ghost Hampton" took me years to write -- but it won't take you that long to read!

At least that left hope for him. Except "Beauty and the Geek" wasn’t exactly the proper translation of the popular fairy tale.

This was sharing office space with wacko and bordering on ludicrous.

[Truman] didn’t want to fight the guy, whatever he was—alien, vampyr or douchebag.

So the owner of a monster head wants to meet on a path named Nut, ” I said. “That’s appropriate.

No, really, " I said. "Now that we know that Flores is really this nasty, fiery, superpowerful nothing-can-kill-me demon from hell, maybe we should consider just giving Christy to him?

Jumping Jehoshaphat. O Holy Night.

When an answer finally comes to me, I know I've completely lost all my wits - or as my mama used to tell my father, I have a few screws loose.

Good news is, we're annoying him. Bad news is, we're all going to die painfully.

I spread my arms. “In the Rainbow Jungles of Ever there lives what I affectionately call, killer ducks.

All of the signs we invented growing up and we never invented one for 'he's standing right behind you'?

Haylee shook her head as soon as they were gone. “Christ, how can our family be mankind’s best hope?

We're all guilty of saying insincere things at one point or another, if only just to make the moment not totally suck as much as it truly does.

Demons, werewolves, zombies--they're all supposed to be for entertainment purposes only.

We want to fight.”“And I want J.K. Rowling to keep writing in the Potterverse, but I know that’s never going to happen, ” I said blithely.