Humor Quotes

I suggest you leave now, or you’ll be tied down and gagged until the end of this meeting.”“Tie us down?”“And gag you, ” Joseph cheerfully reminded them.

I gaped at what I saw next. She yanked his arm off and ate it. Gross! I knew she was hungry, but that was just...well, against the school rules for one thing.

What would you suggest?” one of the Italian officials asked.“We do have a highly-advanced biological device called the Illuminator, ” Joseph chimed in

Being dead is highly overrated. It’s no fun at all." -- Mythe: A Fairy Tale

I’m not above using unsavory beings to kick the Gods’ asses, but the Phantoms are too unpredictable for my taste, ” I said.

I had only four hairs worth shaving, but I managed to inflict five cuts attempting to remove them.

I wondered for a moment if he was trying to get me to join a cult, but I realized it was just his youth talking, not a dogma.

When I was young and I was forced to watch Disney films, I would fast forward the good guys, wasn't interested in princes and princesses, only by the villains.

Ah, we shall never have a real aristocracy while this plebeian reluctance to live upon a parent or a wife continues the animating spirit of our youth. It strikes at the foot of the feudal system!

Is there a word for when you are young and pretending to have lived and loved a thousand lives? Is there a German word for that? Let's say its schaufenfrieglasploit.

Treasure the beauty of youthful life and the wisdom of adulthood.

Youth is when you’re allowed to stay up late on New Year’s Eve. Middle age is when you’re forced to.

For with dandies, a joke is the only way of making yourself respected.

Never laugh at your wife’s choices… you’re one of them

If your self-respect's for sale, don't complain when someone tries to bargain.

Boomerang arrow, Kate -- It comes back to you in the end. Boomerang. Respect it.

There was no respect for youth when I was young, and now that I am old, there is no respect for age. I missed it coming and going.

[Jem] looked from Will to Tessa and raised his silvery eyebrows. "A miracle, " he said. "You got him to speak.""Just to shout at me, really, " said Tessa. "Not quite loaves and fishes.

When it comes to texting the power of you thumbs compel you

Extroverts communicate well with others, Introverts communicate well with themselves

Make a concise statement clearly and you should only need to say it once.

We had an unspoken love for one another. Probably because she’d never talk to me or return my phone calls or texts.

I told you growing starts from the inside first, honey, and in that way, you've been growing like wildfire.

It's a very remarkable story.""Remarkable's a well-chosen word. It doesn't give you away.

machine. Unexpectedly, I'd invented a time

When writing, I uncage KAT: Keep Adding Tension. Even if I don't know where the story's going, petting the KAT keeps it purring.

So the gods, ” Moash said, nursing his own drink, “were pleased that you solved problems on your own . . . by going to other gods and begging them for help instead?”“Hush, ” Rock said. “Is good story.

I said I fell down. Ah. The ground bloodied your nose, split yer lip, and punched ye in th' eye, all at once.I said I don't want to talk about it.

No man is taller than his head, and there is no big brain that is bigger than the head!

Nobody wants to give up a weekend-long excuse to dress up and attempt to outshine one another.

I remind you that I have no faith. If I sought God, I find myself.

For people who like that sort of thing, that's the sort of thing they like.

A liar with a pen is a writer

Sometimes I don't even know why I'm writing what I'm writing...I'm just following these people around and taking notes.

The simple act of sitting here sipping this cappuccino is its own testament to my commitment to living the writer’s life. Which is to say: doing nothing but doing it exceedingly well.

We often hear that mathematics consists mainly of 'proving theorems.' Is a writer's job mainly that of 'writing sentences?

Doubt you’d find anyone as dashingly charming as me

I just came this morning and haven't been debriefed yet about the status of our latest prisoners. As a matter of fact, I'd barely stepped inside,

I love libraries. Everybody there is serious and focused even if they are not absorbing or learning anything better

Yeah, I write Urban Fantasy, but its more like Die Hard or Indiana Jones with Fairies, Mummies and a Vampire who uses guns more than his teeth.

When I die cremate me so I can finally fit into something small.

The thing about being a screenwriter, scriptwriter, or scenarist, You get to have multiple personalities and not be charged!

I never understood, what a starving artist was until I became one.

I enjoy self-publishing & sending publishers rejection letters. They're like, 'Who is this guy?' And I'm like, 'the end of your industry.

The key to being a great agent is treating everyone like a celebrity and treating a celebrity like everyone else.

If you're not writing, you're wronging.

Success is like sausage, you'd be surprised what goes into it.

You don't find a masked man wielding a gun interesting? Tell me...what do you find interesting then-Matt Carter

I read the first few, " said Jackaby. "I've instructed my duck to just file the rest directly under P. I left it to him to decide if that was for politics or paranoia.

If the future of the free world depends on me, please accept my apology in advance