Humor Quotes

I'm not a Christian, but I have read his book.

Humor is just another defense against theuniverse.

We've eaten, but he looks hungry, and experience tells me that crazy takes a lot of calories to sustain.

Don't bore the universe.

1337% of Pi ≈ 42

Living in a galaxy is like living in a neighborhood where the house down the street might have burned down four thousand years ago but you wouldn't know it for another three thousand years.

Yesterday Allison bought me nail polish in the annoying shade of mauve. How can anyone look at me and think mauve?

My identity is not it, which given by the community. my identity is my natural mask.

I'd like to say I'm not self-absorbed compared to others, but that's hard to say since I'm far too self-absorbed to pry into others' self-absorption.

[Caine]"Interesting. Me, I've always wanted to know who my real parents were."[Sam]"Let me guess: you're secretly a wizard who was raised by muggles.

I wanted to punch him and understand him at the same time.

Oh, gods. Not the flying!”“I heard you mounted my sister well enough.”“I want you never to make that statement again.

How do you live with yourself, Lord Arrogant?” “Very easily, Lady Difficult. I find myself quitecharming.

Chemistry is great, but eventually your relationship moves out of the laboratory.

Being with her can prove difficult, but life without her would be unbearable.

Sometimes you just gotta wear the tinfoil hat.

Don't Believe Everything You Think!

Silence does not always imply consent. Sometimes it simply means that the silent one has opted out of a discussion with idiots.

To be reborned many times over, you must unleash the power of inertia. But must you go out every time and reach for your highest potential?

A pessimist says the glass is half empty, an optimist says the glass is half full, and an engineer says the glass is too big.

Love is relative to the moment.

Hey, mister, I don’t think so. You go outside and yell at sky, you so angry.

Life's too short, drive it like ya stole it!

Clear clutter. Make space for you.

Beneath the people we think we are, there are funnier, happier, livelier people that we keep ignoring.

Wake up people, you are sleeping your life away!

My acupuncturist once told me that it doesn't have to hurt to work. She might have meant the needles, but I think she really meant love.

He's the navigator, he could probably find you a route to Hawaii underwater.

There is nothing in which people more betray their character than in what they find to laugh at.

I was beginning to think that Simon just had a bad case of OCD, ADD, and PMS. With a little BS and OMG mixed in.

I study men like I study books: I skim their midsections.

I froze, shocked. (And don't try to claim that you did anything different the first time a government bureaucrat pulled a gun on you.)

People always say in the end you only regret the choices you didn't make but I really think you also regret the choices you were foolish enough to make.

You should have gone yourself, you ask for a Coke and they come back with orange drink. No one understands the martyrdom of the volunteers for the trip to food concession.

But he didn't have to listen to his father. Taking after your father was optional, wasn't it?

God is always willing to give you the best life possible. If you change your mind at any time you are free to go back to enjoying hell.

... the vintage of history is forever repeating ~ same old vines, same old wines!

Of all the forces in the universe, the hardest to overcome is the force of habit.

Frankly, the only good people who I know are dogs.

I've known humans, and I know beasts. The beast is better. It is unpretentious. It kills for food. Humans do 'cause they're just not any good.

Checked thoroughly, humans stink.

Length of smile get reduced as people grow up!!!

Most creatures run when they sense danger. People grab a six-pack and a folding chair.

Those who cannot dance, should not dance.

I wish I knew all the answers, how to be perfect, attractive and witty. But I’m just a human being with all the regular faults and it seems no matter how hard I try, I can’t change that.

When you're young you think you know it all, when you're old you wish you could remember it all.

Strange, how in all those apocalyptic movies, when their society breaks down into lawlessness and anarchy, Canada is always the haven of safety, the place people want to escape to.

Humor relieves the tension between what we see or desire but repress in order to sustain a survivable illusion about the world we live in. As such it's always potent stuff, and dangerous.

Ego is the world's worst narcotic

Evelyn: There's nothing wrong with embracing one's emotions.Brittany: Mom, You don't just embrace your emotions, you make love to them hard-core.